chelle

Phantom Menace

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Minuend

The Emu

Title: Minuend

Author: The Emu

Author's e-mail: emu@zip.com.au

Authors URL: http://www.zip.com.au/~emu/

Fandom: Phantom Menace

Category: Slash

Pairing: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi

Archive: Ask first

Summary: Experienced!Qui-Gon resolves to show Reluctant!Obi-Wan the benefits of an older, male lover. Built from the list of "lines you won't see in Q/O" from Mac and Trinity.

Category: Angst, Plot-What-Plot, First-Time. No spoilers.

Rating: NC-17 for the congress of the Republic (surely I'm not the only person who cracks up in the opening spiel of TPM?) and themes of an adult nature.

Beta: Michelle is the goddess who beta'd. She's looking for followers: drop my name for free admittance to the virgin sacrifice.

Feedback: Writing = Joy; Writing + Feedback = Lots of Joy

AN: Mac and Trin compiled a list of lines that aren't seen in your typical Q/O. Those lines are included at the end of the fic, for those who missed them the first time around. I squished them all in except "I'm sorry, I can't get my boots off," and I'll count that reference so now I've got that one, too.

Qui-Gon stood nervously as the door to their quarters opened. "Obi-Wan."

"Master." Obi-Wan dipped his head in respect, but kept walking.

"Obi-Wan, could we talk?"

"Not tonight, Master, I have a headache." His eyes didn't quite meet Qui-Gon's, and the sick feeling that had been in the older man's belly all day moved higher.

Obi-Wan's door closed behind him.

Qui-Gon sat. What did he expect?

But a small part of him had expected—at least hoped—that Obi-Wan had only been surprised. Qui-Gon had been guiding him through a new series of flips; one slight misjudgement and he found himself on the floor with his arms full of padawan. One long, perfect moment, Obi-Wan too winded to move and Qui-Gon with no interest in changing anything, and then Obi-Wan had looked over his shoulder with a grin and asked, "Is that a lightsaber in your pants or are you just glad to see me?"

Qui-Gon's cheeks went hot and Obi-Wan followed his gaze to the familiar hilt lying on the side table.

Obi-Wan turned back and gaped at him, and Qui-Gon should have been horrified but all he'd seen was the soft mouth open only a breath from his own. He hadn't realised he was leaning in, arms tightening, until Obi-Wan jerked away and hurried out of the training room.

And yet, a part of him had hoped…

He forced himself to cross to Obi-Wan's door and knock, knew he didn't imagine the unnatural pause.

"Come in."

Obi-Wan was seated at his desk, his datapad turned off to hide whatever he'd been doing. There was nowhere to sit but the edge of the bed, so he did, awkwardly. "We should talk."

Obi-Wan narrowed his attention to Qui-Gon's left foot.

"Perhaps I should have told you earlier, but I'm not sure when. I've cared for you for a long time, Obi-Wan—longer than is proper. You've turned my life…" He trailed off at Obi-Wan's whispered interruption. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear-"

"I said, please don't." A long breath. "I had no idea. I'm sorry, Master."

"You don't feel the same way."

"I'm sorry."

He struggled a moment. "If it's my age…you know that shouldn't matter…"

"Actually Master, age differences do matter. And more than that, I really prefer women."

Qui-Gon frowned. "I don't understand."

Finally, Obi-Wan raised his eyes. "It's called heterosexuality. Some of my people—like me—are only attracted to the opposite gender." He moved to sit beside Qui-Gon, taking his hand. "It's not you; I'm just not wired that way. I'm sorry."

"Have you ever tried it?"

"I don't need to."

"Aren't you even curious?"

Obi-Wan heaved a sigh. "No. I just don't want to, and certainly not with you." He squeezed the hand he held. "We have such a wonderful partnership, Master. Do you really want to risk that?"

"I do."

Obi-Wan stood, jerking his hand away. "Well, I'm sorry, my job is more important than sex. My relationship with you is more important than sex."

"I'm not just asking for sex; I care about you. What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid."

"I know you, Padawan." Qui-Gon caught Obi-Wan's hand again and pulled him until he knelt between his knees. "I know when you are frightened. Talk to me."

Obi-Wan shifted, eyes glued to Qui-Gon's knees. "I'm not interested in anal sex."

"There's more to-"

"I'm not interested in anal sex and I don't like the idea of sucking cock and rimming disgusts me."

Qui-Gon just stared at him for a long moment. "How did I raise you to be so uncomfortable with your own body?"

"Not uncomfortable with mine, Master. With yours. I like soft curves and smooth skin, not hairy bodies and heavy bones and facial hair and flat chests and Master, have I ever mentioned I don't like long hair or beards?"

"I would shave and cut my hair if you asked it."

"I'm not asking." Obi-Wan reigned back his temper and lifted a gentle hand to Qui-Gon's cheek. "I'm only asking you to accept my refusal."

"No. I've neglected something to make you this way, and I want to repair it." Qui-Gon stole a kiss, pulling back before Obi-Wan could reject it. "I ask you one night. I will have one night to treasure, and you will learn to push your boundaries." Obi-Wan hesitated, and Qui-Gon cupped his neck. "I would never hurt you, Padawan. Trust me in this."

Obi-Wan's eyes lowered, and he shook his head. "I don't think it's right that you ask."

Qui-Gon stopped at the look on Obi-Wan's face. Disappointment, for his master's manipulation. For his master's begging. "You're right. I'm sorry." He escaped.

Qui-Gon woke abruptly at the hand on his bare shoulder. Obi-Wan sat on the bed beside him, the tightness of his face clear even in the dim light. "One night. You teach me whatever you wish, and you may have the memories." Qui-Gon reached out and Obi-Wan caught his fingers, halting them gently. "One night, and you will never mention it, never ask this again."

Qui-Gon barely hesitated. He pulled his hand free and shifted back to make space in the bed, holding himself still as Obi-Wan started to climb in.

He stopped, hand reaching reluctantly for the waist of his sleep pants, and Qui-Gon shook his head. "Leave them on for now." Obi-Wan frowned lightly in the gloom, but obediently slid into the bed and lay awkwardly on his back.

Still, Qui-Gon held back, slowing his pulse, planning. He had one night to teach this young man the advantage of experience, the pleasures of a man. One night to addict him to Qui-Gon Jinn.

He waited, until Obi-Wan's nerves won through his calm and the young man ducked his head. Finally, Qui-Gon moved close so his body lightly brushed the other: nothing serious, they stood so close frequently. And many a time they'd wrapped closer, through cold nights on empty planets. Sometimes, Qui-Gon had even soothed him through their bond, when he was young and training had yet to set his Jedi calm. There was no harm in this, nothing to be frightened of.

He kissed those lips gently, lingered over the straight thin line at the top and then rolled the lower curve in his mouth. Did the girls kiss Obi-Wan like this, Qui-Gon wondered? The young were always so eager to learn new things, and leave the old behind. They found touching and forgot to kiss, found penetration and forgot the excitement of starting slowly. Would one of Obi-Wan's child lovers linger like this, worship him with the patient, determined focus Qui-Gon knew he deserved?

Obi-Wan's mouth opened, accepting, if not encouraging, and Qui-Gon let his beard brush Obi-Wan's chin before he flicked a tongue along the waiting lip. No chance for Obi-Wan to pretend this was a female, or anyone other than his master. More tiny licks. No chance to pretend Qui-Gon had pressed him.

Even this was a sweetness Qui-Gon had thought beyond his reach. He could take just these kisses all night and ask no more.

Obi-Wan's lips began to move, unconsciously, but Qui-Gon remained steady, no faster, no deeper, until a tongue cautiously met his own and drew away. Qui-Gon followed and then returned to his previous teasing, refusing to lead. A hand touched his head lightly, came to rest against his hair and there was no room to deny the request, Obi-Wan's curiosity and impatience winning where his pride would not concede.

Qui-Gon let his fingers creep into Obi-Wan's hair, let his lover know the comfort of heavy hands cradling his head, and though Obi-Wan's kisses were willing, Qui-Gon kept it slow. Did Obi-Wan's young lovers revel in the way his tongue wandered along their teeth? Could they linger forever on nothing more than this soft, wet mouth?

If Obi-Wan didn't like long hair and beards, then surely he would hate the way Qui-Gon was letting his hair brush over his face, loathe the scratch of bristles as Qui-Gon rubbed his jaw over his cheek. Judging by the quickened breathing, he wasn't bothered by it at all. Obi-Wan was turning his head, not quite nuzzling, but Qui-Gon would not be hurried over these cheeks, this nose, this generous forehead and its small creases.

When Qui-Gon's hands began to explore, there was no resistance. Even when he slipped away the shirt that separated their chests, and let his fingers rub at a small, pink nipple, Obi-Wan accepted the caresses. Perhaps he even kissed a little harder.

Strong shoulders gave way to a smooth chest to a firm stomach, deceptively soft skin. Muscled upper arms even while he lay relaxed, thick hairs in his pits and Qui-Gon couldn't resist ducking to inhale the masculine scent of Obi-Wan, lifted his head to find Obi-Wan staring at him in wonder. So his pretty young girls didn't love the smell of him, didn't love all of him, the way Qui-Gon did?

He held the puzzled gaze as his hand trailed down, pausing for a beat at the waist of Obi-Wan's pants, and then skimmed over to lie innocently against his thigh. "May I?"

Obi-Wan nodded once, defeated, and closed his eyes.

Qui-Gon pulled the pants open and took hold of the stirring shaft, watching Obi-Wan's frown grow deeper. He wasn't fully hard, yet, but that was no issue. He squeezed once, forcing the breath from Obi-Wan's lips, and then let his fingers glide over the skin, combing through hair and over balls and sliding up his cock again.

When he pulled his hand away Obi-Wan's breath stopped, just a beat, a suppressed whimper, but the body before him stiffened when he reached to remove his pants. Qui-Gon paused, deciding, decided it could wait. He had many fantasies for this beautiful man; one would do as well as another to start. He shifted to sit with his back on the wall and pulled Obi-Wan up to lie between his knees, back against his chest with a little distance to hide his own eager erection. Oh, but he could breathe Obi-Wan's hair this way, cradle his body, protect him.

Obi-Wan came awkwardly, no doubt uncomfortable being the smaller partner. Qui-Gon wondered, briefly, if Obi-Wan had ever held a woman just this way, if he was thinking about that now. He pushed Obi-Wan's pants open, just far enough to wrap his hand around his shaft once more.

"How do you like to be touched, Obi-Wan?" His whisper was unnatural in this quiet.

"I like anything…"

"I'm not asking how you like them to touch you. I'm asking you how you like to be touched." Qui-Gon dragged his beard over the bare neck. "How do you touch yourself, when there is no one around, no one to please, no one to tell you to go faster or slower or-"

A hand settled over his as though to push him away, but after a long moment the hand squeezed, tightening Qui-Gon's grip, and guided him to a slow jerk.

He dared to squeeze a little harder. "Like that?"

"Yesss."

No woman would hold Obi-Wan's cock this way. No delicate female hand could envelop his flesh like Qui-Gon's own thick fingers.

Qui-Gon ran his other hand over the expanse of chest, rolling nipples and lightly scratching and covering his belly. Up again, catching Obi-Wan's knight's tail to twist his head and take his mouth, humming as Obi-Wan's hands squeezed his knees.

He let a little of his hunger loose through the bond, pushing his tongue deep and tugging hard on that beautiful shaft, letting Obi-Wan know how it felt to be desired by a powerful body. Obi-Wan groaned and Qui-Gon groaned with him, quelling the urge to flip Obi-Wan on his stomach and dominate him completely.

He let go of the kiss, thrilling with satisfaction at the daze in Obi-Wan's eyes, the way he panted with every jerk of his cock. His hand covered Qui-Gon's again and increased the pace and his mouth opened wide in pleasure.

Qui-Gon pushed a finger into the open mouth and it was sucked in eagerly, tongue flicking over and teeth grazing and oh, this man would be a wonder at sucking cock.

He jerked Obi-Wan's shaft a little harder, replaced his finger with a kiss and when he pressed the slick finger to Obi-Wan's tight anus he came, shooting over his belly, crying his pleasure into Qui-Gon's mouth.

Obi-Wan lay boneless, cradled in Qui-Gon's arms, inhibitions lost in the glow. Qui-Gon closed his eyes and simply felt. This was the perfect moment they spoke of in philosophy texts.

Obi-Wan lifted his hands with a rueful smile. "I'm a mess. I should go clean up."

"Not yet." Qui-Gon finally let go of the sticky, soft cock and dragged a finger through the pool of come on Obi-Wan's stomach, lifted it to his lover's face.

He was met with a look of pure astonishment. "You don't expect me to put that in my mouth, do you?"

Qui-Gon's lip quirked. Surely it was good enough for Obi-Wan's young lovers? So he took the finger in his own mouth, sucked it clean with relish and then pressed his tongue into Obi-Wan's mouth, let Obi-Wan taste himself this way.

Obi-Wan was hesitant at first but couldn't hide his curiosity, tongue flicking cautiously over Qui-Gon's. Soon the kiss grew heated, and when Qui-Gon took another mouthful of come it was Obi-Wan who pushed forward, grabbing Qui-Gon's shoulders to pull him close and steal the taste from his tongue.

This was how Qui-Gon had always imagined Obi-Wan would be, abandoned and eager, fitting perfectly in his arms. He couldn't resist sliding his hand down to squeeze the cock again.

Obi-Wan pulled back, smiling. "What would you like me to do for you?"

Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan's gaze as his hand slipped down to cradle his balls, and then further, until a finger touched Obi-Wan's entrance.

"No."

A long kiss. "I'm going to come inside you."

"No." Obi-Wan moved to stand but was trapped in his Master's embrace, under the same questioning look Qui-Gon always used when Obi-Wan was hiding something. Obi-Wan steadied himself, and Qui-Gon felt a spark of pride in the way his padawan found the peace to be honest. "I'm frightened of anal penetration."

"I'll make you regret that you ever waited." It didn't have the reassurance that Qui-Gon had hoped, so he switched tactics. "I'll be gentle. I'm not a big man." He turned Obi-Wan side-on and guided his hand to his own cock, tried to remain steady as curious fingers trailed over the erection he had patiently neglected.

"Master, you have a very small penis."

Was he reponsibile for teaching the boy such exquisite diplomacy? "It's actually quite large for my species, but I wouldn't choose to brag." A small smile, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but return it. He threaded his fingers through Obi-Wan's sticky hairs. "Not everyone is as spectacular as you, my Padawan."

While Obi-Wan burned at the compliment, Qui-Gon tugged away his pants. Obi-Wan even helped, lifting his hips and feet, though his flush didn't fade under Qui-Gon's open approval. Qui-Gon pulled a knee up over his own, spreading him open, weighing his balls and watching the skin stir in his hand. He let his hand roam down, over the impossibly soft thighs, and then gently, he tippped Obi-Wan out of his embrace and rolled him onto his stomach.

Obi-Wan lay obediently still as Qui-Gon pulled away to drop his own pants, not even lifting his head when Qui-Gon returned to lie between his legs. He had meant to rain kisses over Obi-Wan's back, but was captured by his beautiful ass. He ran his fingers over it, circling a mole. This was perfect. The very idea of thrusting inside made him ache.

He parted the cheeks, felt Obi-Wan stiffen beneath him, spoke before Obi-Wan could. "I know. Rimming disgusts you." He traced a finger slowly down the cleft. "It excites me." Touched lightly, back and forth over the puckered skin. "Have you ever done it? Had it done to you?"

"I've…done it, to someone else." His voice was strained.

"But no one has ever tasted you? No wonder you don't appreciate it. How can you enjoy an act when you don't know how good it makes your partner feel?"

When no answer came, Qui-Gon began lightly. Tiny licks over Obi-Wan's perineum, occasionally dropping a kiss on his balls. His shaft strained, knowing how these touches were stirring his lover's nerves, as much as Obi-Wan tried to hide it. Qui-Gon dragged a pillow under his hips, opening him further, and gave his thigh a squeeze. "Let go. I want to hear your pleasure."

Obi-Wan forced a few whimpers to be polite, and Qui-Gon smiled. Good enough to start.

He brushed his tongue lightly over Obi-Wan's entrance, felt him shiver. That was what he wanted. The responses Obi-Wan hoped to shield, the desire he'd buried. He set to work, light touches becoming wet, exploring licks, groaning his approval, delighting as Obi-Wan's pretended moans turned genuine and he spread his legs wider in encouragement.

Qui-Gon released the temptation to tease the change of heart and pressed his tongue against the tight ring instead, smiling as Obi-Wan's protest twisted into a cry. Qui-Gon lingered, revelling in being the first to taste this intimacy. Of all Obi-Wan's lovers, none had given him this, and none would have heard these high cries or felt Obi-Wan's thighs writhe around them. They'd never had him thrust his ass at them this way, seen him so wanton, just for Qui-Gon.

He paused to suck hard at the wrinkle of flesh under his ass. "In the top drawer there's a tube of lubricant."

Obi-Wan's entire body stiffened once more, but after a moment he reached in and passed the tube back. "There isn't much left."

Qui-Gon sighed when he saw how low it was. "I can see." He tapped it on the roll of buttock as he mulled the possibilities.

"We've run out lube; we'll have to stop now."

Qui-Gon snorted. "Your excuses are growing more lame. Stay here."

He returned moments later with massage oil, and began to drizzle it over Obi-Wan's buttocks and lower back. "Release your fears, Obi-Wan." He sat between his legs and began to rub his ass, feeling the shape fit perfectly in his hands. "You know I would never find pleasure in harming you."

"I know." Still uncertain.

"There is no reason to worry. I trust you, Obi-Wan. I trust you to take me inside of you, cradle me in your body." Palms pressed on the easing spine, and he leaned forward, afraid to speak aloud. "I am asking you to take a piece of me as yours."

Obi-Wan's breathing was harsh as he parted his legs further, likely unaware of the way it made his ass wiggle in Qui-Gon's face, and Qui-Gon struggled to centre himself. He circled a finger at the waiting hole, speaking softly. "Is this good for you?" Barely breaching the entrance. "I have practiced in my mind so many times, wanting to make this perfect for you."

Obi-Wan's breath shook. "It's good."

Slow preparation, quiet endearments, a second finger, until he was interrupted by a soft "Please," and he froze, fingers deep inside his lover. "Please Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan looked back, eyes bright, cheeks flushed. "I want it."

Qui-Gon's ribs clenched around his lungs, and he reached to brush his knuckles over the silken cheek. He had to force himself to move, to pull Obi-Wan onto his knees, and he allowed himself a single, worshipful kiss to Obi-Wan's spine. He rubbed his cock in the cleft of Obi-Wan's ass, pouring more oil over them and letting Obi-Wan's own flesh slick him.

It was amazing, to watch his cock this way, the darkened head caught between the pale flesh. He squeezed Obi-Wan's buttocks, felt the soft globes squeeze him. He slid back and forth, felt the wrinkle where he would soon be accepted—the first. The first to breach this body and it would be so tight. Qui-Gon brushed his cock over the entrance again, and again. "It might be uncomfortable at first, but it won't hurt. I wouldn't let it hurt."

Barely a whisper: "I want it."

And when Qui-Gon pressed through it was so…everything. Possession. Offering. Pulling him in, demanding more. Qui-Gon fought to hold himself as that tight flesh pinched him sweetly; he nudged Obi-Wan's hips to make him rock, let him choose the pace. Qui-Gon watched as he was swallowed a piece at a time by Obi-Wan's willing body, knowing he would be somehow less when he was released.

"That's it, Obi-Wan. Take me in."

Obi-Wan took him in, rocking until he had taken all he could. He stopped, but this time Qui-Gon pulled back, and angled carefully as he slid back in, knowing when Obi-Wan bucked that he'd found what he wanted. He could feel his padawan's surprise, smiled. He hadn't known it could be like that, had he? Qui-Gon aimed for the sensitive gland again, and then groaned as Obi-Wan picked up the rhythm, seeking the spot for himself

Obi-Wan reached back for Qui-Gon's hand, pulled it forward to his erection, and Qui-Gon winced at the burn of flesh in his fist but only held tighter as the burn seemed to spread through Obi-Wan's body, back and ass searing Qui-Gon's tender belly as though they were melting together.

Qui-Gon curled around his lover and rubbed his face over the taut shoulders, watching the reddened trail of his beard on the flawless skin, reached with his tongue to taste salt and began to suckle. This body took and sustained and Qui-Gon wanted it, wanted to give so he squeezed the cock in his hand and groaned as Obi-Wan's hips pushed forward, stealing away from him and then pushing back to take more and he squeezed again and Obi-Wan cried out, pulsing in his hand and stealing his seed and he tasted of salt, sharp salt.

Obi-Wan was chuckling softly when he pulled away and they rearranged themselves to lie together, but he paused for a deep kiss before curling up to Qui-Gon's side.

"You would think, by now, that I would know better than to disagree with you."

Qui-Gon smiled, tugging affectionately on Obi-Wan's tail. "You would think."

"That was…I didn't know it could be like that." He blushed a little at his own awe, and then smiled. "Are Jedi supposed to have this much fun? I'm sure the Code forbids it."

Qui-Gon smiled too, feeling silly. "I can't think of a more effective path to serenity."

Obi-Wan's finger traced back and forth over a sensitive nipple, utterly blind to the haze he was creating in Qui-Gon's mind. "I don't feel serene. I feel like an Alderaanian custard. I don't approve at all."

Qui-Gon rubbed his beard through Obi-Wan's hair. "I've always found Alderaanian custards to be particularly serene."

"We should take it before the Council."

"I'd prefer to keep it in the privacy of our quarters, but I'm willing to—ah!"

Obi-Wan climbed on top and sat on Qui-Gon's hips, keeping his hold on the nipple. "This is a serious matter."

"Yes, you're right."

"The very core of Jedi devotion to the light is at stake."

"Yes, you're right."

Obi-Wan twisted his fingers slightly. "We should amend the Code to prohibit all forms of carnal pleasure."

"Yes, Mace, you're right!"

Obi-Wan's jaw dropped in mock-anger and Qui-Gon tugged him down into a kiss before he could dole out his retribution.

Oh, he was even sweeter now, kissing like a proper lover and Qui-Gon didn't miss the shyness at all. He drew away, barely, so their noses still bumped. "Create a soul bond with me."

Obi-Wan laughed. "No, Master, I don't want to create a soul bond with you."

Another kiss. "Give me one good reason," Qui-Gon teased, as lightly as he could manage. "Am I too old? Too male? Too ugly?"

Another kiss, and a smile. "I think you're handsome, but I'm in love with Bant."

"Bant?" He snorted at the idea. "I didn't even know you were interested…"

Obi-Wan shrugged sheepishly. "Neither does she. I haven't worked up the courage to tell her, yet."

Qui-Gon's head dropped back to the pillow. Obi-Wan meant it.

"If you loved her, why would you sleep with me?"

Obi-Wan reddened. "You were right; I was curious about how it would be with a man. If I hadn't done this before I made a commitment to her, I would have always wondered."

"I was only here to satisfy your curiosity?"

"That's what we agreed." Obi-Wan looked closer at Qui-Gon, only now reading the smothered signs of disturbance. "I thought…That's what we agreed. One night."

"You enjoyed it." Accusing.

"Of course I did; I think that was obvious." Obi-Wan's teasing smile faded into a worried frown. "It was fun, but I still prefer women. You can't rewire me to want you."

Fun. It was fun. "Of course not." Qui-Gon tugged the sheet up, covering himself. "That's not what I meant."

"Master?"

Qui-Gon leaned in to capture his mouth once more, but it was a bitter kiss, and suddenly he hated Obi-Wan's easy aquiescence. "Perhaps you should be getting back to your bed."

A quirk of lip. "I thought we had all night."

"I've already orgasmed once—I can't get hard again tonight. You should go."

Hurt, Obi-Wan pulled away. After a long moment of silence, he climbed out of bed and gathered his clothes, walking away without a backwards glance.

***

For those of you wondering, here is the original list that Mac and Trinity compiled:

"Not tonight, Master, I have a headache."

"Master, you have a very small penis."

"No, Master, I don't want to create a soul bond with you."

"I'm sorry, my job is more important than sex."

"I'm sorry, I can't get my boots off."

"Is that a lightsabre in your pants or are you glad to see me?"

"We've run out Lube, we'll have to stop now"

"I've already orgasmed once—I can't get hard again tonight."

"Master, have I ever mentioned I don't like long hair or beards?"

"I'm frightened of anal penetration"

"and rimming disgusts me"

"You don't expect me to put that in my mouth, do you!"

"Actually Master, age differences do matter!"

"I really prefer women."

"I think you're handsome, but I'm in love with Bant."

And Qui-Gon saying: "Yes, Mace, you're right!" at any time is very unlikely…/g/

I bow to their depravity.