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What It Gives


Title: What It Gives

Author: chelle

Author's email:

Author's URL:

Fandom: Atlantis

Archive: Ask first

Pairing: John/Rodney

Rating: NC 17

AN: I am indebted to Grrrl whose criticism made this a far better story than it would otherwise have been.

The title is taken from Springsteen's "Worlds Apart":
We've got this moment now to live,
then it's all just dust and dark
Let love give what it gives
Let's let love give what it gives

The room wasn't as smoky as John had expected. But it was dim and it was loud. This gay thing would be a lot easier to accept if they weren't still listening to disco. "MacArthur Park"? It was time to move on. Although he had to concede that most of the men on the dance floor knew how to move far better than he did. One guy in a white shirt so thin you could see his nipples was moving his hips in a way John hadn't realized guys could move their hips. John swallowed.

The guy apparently noticed John watching, because he winked at John before dancing his way into the center of the dance floor. John decided he needed a drink.

The bar was crowded, but there was a space next to a guy who was hunched forward and John headed toward it. Leaning on the bar, he gazed down at where the bartender was talking to a man in a leather jacket.

The hunched-over guy who looked up at him, straightening. He was younger than he'd looked from the back, about John's age, with light brown, almost blonde, hair and the biggest blue eyes John had ever seen on a guy. He was cute, in an offbeat sort of way.

"Hi," he offered.

"Hi," John answered.

"The bartender will probably be a while. He's been trying to get into that guy's pants all night." The man pushed his mug of beer toward John. "You can have some of mine if you want."

"Thanks," John said, wondering if personal boundaries were always so thin in places like this. It seemed a bit odd to drink from a stranger's beer. Then again he was here hoping to suck a stranger's cock, or maybe get his own sucked. Or at least touched. Ignoring the beer, he looked out at the dance floor. The music had changed to Madonna, "Like a Prayer." At least it had been recorded in this decade, although he didn't really get the Madonna thing either.

"Rodney," the man said and John shifted his attention back to him.


"Rodney," he said again, holding out his hand. "My name."

"Oh." John took the offered hand. "John." Rodney had a big hand and a firm grip. John was almost sorry to let it go. John's gaze returned immediately to the dance floor, tracking two men who if it weren't for the layers of clothing between them would have been publicly engaging in acts that could get John court-martialed. It was a little disconcerting, but John couldn't seem to stop watching.

"First time?" Rodney asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" John said, glancing at Rodney and then looking back out at the dance floor.

"First time?" Rodney repeated.

"Is it that obvious?" John shifted his full attention to Rodney. If he was sending out new-to-this signals, he should probably know about it.

"A little. Although watching that would make anyone wide-eyed. My first time here all I did was stare."

John smiled and picked up the beer he'd been offered earlier. "Do you come here often?" John winced. "Sorry, I can't believe I just said that."

Rodney smiled. It was broad and friendly. "It's only my third time. I just finished my thesis and with no work to do I got bored. And, well, horny, so here I am." John raised an eyebrow, and Rodney flushed slightly. "That was more than you wanted to know wasn't it?"

"A little."

"I can be kind of blunt."

"I like blunt."

"So what brought you here?"

"I was bored and horny." John leaned one hip against the bar.

"Good reason," Rodney said.

"I thought so."

Rodney pointed his finger at his own hair and turned it in a circle. "Are you military?"

John ran his hand through the few inches the Air Force allowed him. "The hair gave me away, didn't it?"

Rodney nodded.

"The regs don't make any allowances for cowlicks." Which was grossly unfair in John's opinion.

"It's not unflattering. I'm not the only one who's noticed."

John looked around. "Really?" He didn't see anyone checking him out.

"Yes, really."

As if to prove Rodney right, the bartender turned up. "What can I get you, pretty?" he asked, looking John up and down.

Fighting a flush, John held up Rodney's beer. "Two more of these."

The bartender glanced at Rodney and then back at John before stepping away.

"Pretty?" John said to Rodney.

"I'd get used to it if I were you. You're very…" Rodney looked him over in a way that made John want to look away and show off at the same time. "Attractive."

John avoided answering by digging his wallet out. "What are we drinking, by the way?"

"Molson. American beers are too watery."

"And Molson is what? A man's drink?" John asked with a grin and a tilt of his head.

"It is if you're Canadian."

"And you're Canadian?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

John peered more closely at Rodney, leaning slightly into his space and studying the broad mouth and high cheekbones. No one with cheekbones like that should be calling someone else pretty. "Nope."

"I'll try and say 'eh' more often."

"You should do that so people aren't caught by surprise."

The bartender returned and John held up his beer. "To hockey."

"And curling," Rodney added, lifting his glass to John's.

John returned Rodney's smile for a moment before saying, "Curling always seemed more like housekeeping than a sport."

"Let me guess, your idea of a sport is football."

"Football is a great sport."

"If you like tight ends and cheerleaders."

"Exactly." John grinned and Rodney raised his beer, clearly conceding the point. John should probably have had something clever to add, but he didn't and they ended up smiling at one another. It was kind of awkward, but John liked it. Unfortunately, his bladder was less thrilled. "Which way are the bathrooms?"

"Go down to the end of the bar and turn left," Rodney said, pointing. "I'll guard your beer."

"Thanks," John said, stepping away from the bar. He was aware of eyes following him as he made his way through the crowd, and someone whistled as he turned the corner. Pushing open the door, he stepped into a dimly lit hallway and stopped at the sound of grunting. He could see a man at the end of the hallway. His back was to John, and there were legs around his waist. Male legs. Not that John had expected women's legs. He just hadn't expected any legs.

Two men were fucking less than ten feet away from him. It didn't look or sound anything like John had imagined it would. The guy's ass and hips were moving quickly, in rhythm with the grunting. This was why John had come here. To get fucked. Or sucked. To find out what it was like while he still had the chance.

He pushed open the bathroom door. There was a guy at the urinal and John headed for the stall. It smelled almost like the bathrooms in every bar John had ever been in, alcohol combined with piss. But underneath was the sharp, salty scent of sex.

Unzipping his pants, John took out his cock. It was half-hard. John glanced at the walls as he pissed, relieved that there weren't any holes.

He finished as quickly as he could, nodding in the mirror at a guy using the urinal while washing his hands. Both Rodney and his beer were still there when he returned to the bar, and he reached gratefully for the beer.

"Were people fucking in the hallway again?" Rodney asked, watching John drink half of his beer in one swallow.


"Sorry, I should have warned you about that."

"It's okay," John said. He was a grown man. He could handle seeing consenting adults have sex. He wanted to ask if Rodney had done that, had sex in a dark corner, to a driving disco beat.

"I never really understood exhibitionism. Not that I don’t like showing off, but I'd rather show off my brain than my ass."

Which answered that question. John was kind of glad the answer was no. It made him feel less like a freak. Putting on his best 'tell me about you' smile, he said, "You mentioned a thesis earlier. What kind of thesis?"

"MS. To be honest, my undergrad thesis was more challenging. My dissertation, though, that's going to be something."

"Nobel prize material, huh?"

John was teasing, but Rodney nodded. "If the committee has any brains."

It was a struggle to keep the amusement from his voice when he answered. "I'm sure they'll see just how brilliant you are."

"I am too."

John smiled at his smugness. There was an innocence in Rodney's confidence that Air Force cadets just didn't have, especially the arrogant ones. Finishing his beer in one long swallow, John asked. "Do you want to get out of here? We could go for a walk, maybe get something to eat."

Rodney frowned at him for a moment, as if not quite believing what John had asked, and then stood. "I wouldn't mind getting away from this music. This is the third time they've played 'Karma Chameleon' since I got here. We know we're gay. We don’t need to be told." Picking up his beer, Rodney finished it in one long gulp, and set the empty bottle back on the bar with a thump. Apparently Molson really was a manly beer. "Let's go."

"So do they play 'YMCA' too?" John asked bumping Rodney's shoulder with his as they walked toward the door.

"Of course," Rodney answered, "And 'In the Navy.'" John pushed the door open, holding it for Rodney and ignoring the bouncer's knowing grin.

Rodney turned toward him as they stepped out into the warm, night air. "I think 'YMCA' actually turned me off of staying at the YMCA. Stay at the YMCA and get pounced on by a guy in an Indian costume, there's an invitation you can't refuse."

John grinned. "Or join the navy and meet up with a cowboy."

"I wonder if the cowboy and the Indian fought?" Rodney asked.

"Over the construction worker."

"You thought the construction worker was hot?"

John considered saying 'yes' just to see what Rodney's reaction would be. "No." After a moment he added, "Harrison Ford was hot."

"I think Han Solo was my first crush."

"Mine, too. He was just…" John tried to find the right word before finally settling on, "a scoundrel."

"A really cool scoundrel," Rodney said, nodding in agreement.

John nodded, too, thinking about Han in those black pants. He'd never shared his Han crush with anyone before. It was kind of fun.

"Luke was cute, but he whined too much."

"Way too much," John agreed.

They walked for a while, discovering a shared fondness for Douglas Adams and Arthur C. Clarke. Rodney, however, disliked The Lord of the Rings, which in John's opinion was vaguely akin to sacrilege, and Stephen King, which was sacrilege.

"Friday the 13th ," John said.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "If I don’t like Stephen King, why in the world would I like Friday the 13th ?"

"It's a movie, not a book." The two were completely different. With a novel the scariness was all in your head, you created it from the words on the page. But with a movie, it was right there in front of you.

"Being afraid is not entertaining," Rodney insisted.

"Sure it is. The building tension, you can feel it mounting, and you don't know what's going to happen and then wham, adrenaline rush."

"You ever gone in front a thesis committee? Real life is nerve wracking enough, thank you."

John shook his head slowly. "You don’t know what you're missing."

"Oh, I think I do." They'd stopped walking and Rodney was standing under a street light. The light wasn't very flattering, but the way he was frowning at John, one corner of his wide mouth tipped downward, reminded John why they were here, why he'd gone into that bar in the first place. He must really be horny if he was finding a frown attractive. "So, uh, do you live around here?"

"About four blocks that way," Rodney said pointing west. "Why?" John simply looked at him, and Rodney added, "Oh. Well. We could go there, if you want. I mean it's not that far."

Sucking in a breath, John nodded once. "Okay." He'd done it. He'd actually picked up another guy. Now, he just had to figure out what to do with him. Although he'd imagined it enough times, he should be able to…

"We need to turn left at the end of the block," Rodney said, pulling John from his thoughts.

John resumed walking and Rodney fell into step beside him.

Rodney didn't say anything and John kept trying to think of ways to restart the conversation. But everything he thought of sounded lame. Rodney seemed to be having the same problem, since he opened his mouth a couple of times but closed it again before speaking.

"My apartment isn't very big," Rodney said at last.

"As long as other things are," John said, immediately wishing he hadn't.

After a long moment during which John wanted the Earth to open up underneath him, Rodney said, "It's nice to know handsome, confident guys stick their foot in their mouth, too."

"Pretty sure I managed at least half of my leg with that one."

"At least," Rodney agreed.

They didn't say much after that, but at least the tension was broken.


Rodney's apartment was on the second floor and John found himself openly admiring Rodney's ass as they climbed the stairs. It was a nice ass, full and round, and for once he didn't have to worry about getting caught.

The first thing John noticed when he entered Rodney's apartment was a large computer on a table against the wall. Academic journals and books were stacked haphazardly around it, many of them open. Scooping a couple of books and a half-empty bag of chips from the couch, Rodney said, "I don't entertain much."

"Me either," John said, not that there were a lot of opportunities to entertain at the academy. He just couldn't think of anything else to say, mostly because his brain seemed to be stuck on a loop of "sex, mouth, nice ass, really nice mouth, wow, sex," with occasional interruptions of "bad idea, really bad idea." He squelched those.

After a quick look around, Rodney dropped the books onto the floor at the end of the couch. "Chips?"

John shook his head. "No, thanks."

Rodney let the bag slide from his hand to land on top of the books. "I might have some beer."

He didn't want a beer. He wanted to move closer to Rodney, maybe touch him, maybe kiss him. "Sounds good."

Rodney started toward an open doorway, pausing to say, "I'll be right back."

John wandered around the room, poking at the books on the shelves. He found a battered set of Feynman's Lectures, Flatland, and, oddly, The Rolling Stone Record Guide. Maybe he had a gay sex guide somewhere that John could peek at.

Rodney came back with the beer, coming to stand next to John and holding out a bottle. "Here you go."

"Interesting reading," John said, pointing his beer bottle at the shelves.

"Hmm," Rodney agreed with an air that suggested everyone should find him interesting. "I like books."

"Me, too." John suppressed the urge to ask about sex manuals.

"I like music," Rodney said.

"Me, too."


"Me, too."

"We've lost our ability to have a conversation, haven't we?" Rodney asked with a slightly abashed smile.

John nodded, his eyes on Rodney's lips. Telling himself it couldn't be that different, he drew in a breath and pressed his lips to Rodney's. It was too brief for him to feel much, and John suspected he had gotten the side of Rodney's mouth rather than the center.

"Well, I guess we don't have to talk," Rodney said.

John should have been embarrassed by the quality of the kiss, but with the way Rodney was smiling at him he couldn't quite manage it. "Works for me," John said leaning towards Rodney. This time Rodney met him partway. Rodney had really nice lips, soft on the surface, but firm underneath. The leaning was straining his back and John took a step closer to Rodney. Rodney took a step too, his foot coming down on top John's.


"Sorry," Rodney said, stepping back. "You okay?"

"Fine." The discomfort was easing quickly. "But maybe we should sit down."

"Good idea," Rodney said, leading the way to the couch.

They sat side by side, thighs brushing. The kissing had been nice, before the foot stomping anyway, and John wanted to try it again. Placing his beer on the coffee table, he turned toward Rodney, just as Rodney turned toward him. Their eyes locked for a moment, and then their lips touched. The kiss was easy. So easy. John cupped the back of Rodney's neck in his hand. Rodney tasted a little like beer, but his kisses were focused. Shifting, they leaned their sides against the back of the couch, and John placed his hand on Rodney's waist. He really wanted to touch Rodney, to feel what it was like to touch another guy. But Rodney's shirt was tucked in and he couldn't just slide his hand under it.

He was kissing a guy. It wasn't that different, except John kept thinking 'guy lips, guy tongue, guy.'

Rodney cupped his cock and John jumped.

"Sorry." Rodney pulled his hand back. "I was just--"

"It's okay. I wasn't expecting it, that's all."

Rodney's eyes shifted away from John's. "I could, um, blow you, if you wanted."

John liked that idea, but he didn't want to be serviced. "Would you like it?"

"That would be why I was in a gay bar."

"I thought you were there for the music."

"I can't tell you how disappointed I am that we left before they played 'Chaka Khan.'"

John laughed, but it was more nerves than amusement. Looking down at his hand, which had fallen from Rodney's waist, he said, "I've never… Well, I have, just not with a guy."

"I'm your first? Or I will be when we… Wow."

John didn't think Rodney had to sound quite so excited about it.

"I'll be your first blowjob."

"I've gotten them," John said, a little annoyed. He wasn't a virgin after all. "I've just never given one."

"You have to be careful with the teeth," Rodney said.

"Oddly, I'd guessed that."

"Well, yes, you would, wouldn't you?" Rodney said, frowning, apparently at himself. "Listen, we can do whatever you want. Whatever you're comfortable with. We can do it slow, too, if that's what you want."

John liked the idea of slow; he liked it a lot. He just wished Rodney didn't sound quite so much like John had during his senior year in high school when he'd been dating a sophomore. He'd been determined to be chivalrous and honorable. John was a guy; he didn't need anyone's chivalry. "This could be the only chance I get for a while," John said, because Rodney was clearly expecting him to say something. "I'd like to savor it."

"Savoring's good." Rodney nodded as if to himself. "In fact, I think I'd like that."

"Cool." Glad the conversation was over, John leaned forward, intending to kiss Rodney, and stopped. "Could you take your shirt off?"

"Sure." Rodney tugged his polo shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor next to the couch, revealing a slender chest with two pink nipples surrounded by a smattering of hair.

John immediately pressed his hand to the center of Rodney's chest. It was firm, but the skin was soft. Sliding his hand to the side, he brushed a finger across Rodney's nipple. It felt good so he did it again, watching Rodney's nipple harden to a tiny point. Then he slid his hand to the other side. He was so focused on watching himself touch another man's chest that he didn't notice Rodney was watching too.

"You really like nipples, don't you?"

John felt himself flush.

"It's okay," Rodney added quickly. "But I think you should show me yours."

Removing his hand from Rodney's chest, John began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Can I do that?" Rodney asked.

John lowered his hands. "Sure."

Watching Rodney unbutton his shirt, John realized how big his hands were, large palms and square-tipped fingers. The thought of those hands touching him was enough to make John squirm a little.

When Rodney reached the last button above John's jeans, John pulled his shirt free. He was about to undo the last two buttons when Rodney beat him to it.

"You look really good like that," Rodney said, his eyes sliding from John's crotch up to his face and then back down.

"Do you want me to leave it on?" John asked. He liked the way Rodney was looking at him, appreciative and horny.

Rodney actually appeared to think about it for a moment. "No, take it off."

Pulling his arms free of his shirt, John tossed it aside. Then he kissed Rodney again. Kissing was even better shirtless, with Rodney's hand resting on his shoulder and Rodney's waist warm beneath his fingers.

The kisses were slow and hot. Rodney had clearly taken John's savoring comment seriously. Not that John was complaining. Rodney's lips were warm and mobile and he tasted a little like beer, but also guy-like, and John couldn't get enough of it. Every time they parted, he dove right back in, wanting more.

When Rodney turned his head to the side, breathing hard, John mouthed his way down the side of Rodney's neck, sucking, tasting, kissing. When he sucked on a bit of skin just above Rodney's shoulder, Rodney shuddered. John did it again, and Rodney shuddered again. John smiled to himself and did it a third time.

"John," Rodney said, his voice low, turning his head, seeking John's mouth.

This kiss was deeper and sloppier, and John tried to press himself closer to Rodney. Rodney pressed back and somehow John ended up on his back with Rodney stretched out on top of him. Rodney's bare chest felt good against his and his back felt just as good beneath John's hands. Best of all, John could feel the bulge of Rodney's cock pressing against his through their pants.

Rodney shifted his hips, rubbing, and the sudden spark of pleasure made John groan.

Rodney repeated the motion and John shifted, spreading his legs and sliding his hands down to Rodney's ass. The curve of it filled his hands, firm but still squeezable. He squeezed lightly as Rodney rubbed their cocks together.

"You have a great ass," John whispered.

"Really?" Rodney pulled back enough to smile down at him.

"Yes, really." John lifted his head for a quick kiss.

"Do you want to go into the bedroom? Or would that be hurrying? It would be okay if you don't. I was just thinking there'd be more room."

John smiled at Rodney's shyly hopeful expression. "More room would be good."

Rodney kissed him and John opened under him, deepening the kiss and tightening his hold on Rodney's ass, pulling Rodney's hips into his. Breaking the kiss, Rodney buried his face in John's neck, his breath hot on John's skin. "Or we could just stay here."

Leaving one hand on Rodney's ass, John stroked the small of Rodney's back with the other. "Yeah, but think of all the things we could do with more room."

Pressing a quick kiss to the side of John's neck, Rodney pushed himself off of John and stood, looking down at the couch. "Well, come on."

Grinning, John stood.

There was an unmade double bed in the center of Rodney's bedroom, and a closet with open sliding doors on the far side. John was only interested in the bed, and getting into the bed with Rodney. Rodney turned towards him, looking like he was about to say something. There was an obvious bulge in the front of his pants, matching the one John knew he had, and suddenly John wanted to see it. "Do you want to take your pants off?" he asked, stepping close to Rodney and sliding his hand down the front of Rodney's chest.

Rodney's eyes lit up a little. "Yes, but only if you take yours off, too."

"Deal," John said reaching for the button on his jeans. Glancing at Rodney, he watched Rodney undo his own pants. Rodney's cock was pushing against his boxers, and John stared at it while Rodney shoved his pants to the floor and stepped out of them, leaving him in socks, sneakers and purple boxers.

Remembering his own sneakers, John tried to toe them off, but he'd tied them too tightly. Perching on the edge of the bed, he bent over to untie them.

Rodney sat beside him and began removing his own shoes and socks. "You're overdressed," he said, tugging on John's jeans.

Standing, John took them off, keeping his briefs on, although there wasn't any point since the head of his cock was sticking out of them.

"You are so hot," Rodney said. His eyes were locked on John's cock, which struck John as a little odd. Generally, women didn't stare at your cock, at least not the first time.

John liked his cock, most of the time, and it was nice that someone else seemed to, too. His own eyes on Rodney's tenting boxers, John smiled. "So are you." Rodney was a little on the skinny side, but John was still itching to touch him.

Rodney lifted his gaze to John's face. "Come here."

Standing between Rodney's legs, John bent down to kiss him. Rodney curved his hand around the back of John's neck. "I still want to blow you," Rodney whispered.

"Yeah, okay," John whispered back, feeling the heat in Rodney's words all the way down to the base of his cock.

Taking hold of the waistband of John's briefs, Rodney edged them downward, but he seemed to get sidetracked, abandoning them just above John's knees and moving his hands to John's cock. With one hand curled firmly around the base, he stroked the side and head with the fingers of his other hand. John stared. He had another man's hands on his cock.

Rodney stroked him slowly and John groaned, clutching at Rodney's shoulders.

"Lie down," Rodney said, moving to the side and making room for John to move past him.

John started to lift his knee onto the bed, only to be stopped by the briefs around his thighs. Pushing at them impatiently, he managed to get them off and climbed onto the bed, lying on his back in the center.

Rodney knelt between his legs, and John stared up at him. He was in another man's bed, naked, with the bed's owner kneeling between his legs wanting to blow him.

But instead of blowing him, Rodney touched him, running his hands up the outside of John's thighs and then caressing his sides and stomach. The serious look on his face made John feel like he was being studied. Usually when someone focused on him like that it was to criticize, but Rodney was touching him. Touching him and studying him as though what John liked mattered.

Rodney stroked the inside of his thigh and John groaned.

"You wanted slow," Rodney said with a pleased smile.

"That's before I knew how hard you were going to make me."

Rodney's face lit up in a way that made John sit up, take Rodney's face in his hands, and kiss him. Desire flaring even more brightly between them, John lay back on the bed, bringing Rodney with him.

He wanted to feel Rodney everywhere.

Lifting his hips, John rubbed himself against Rodney's cock, holding tight to Rodney's shoulders and kissing him hungrily.

Rodney groaned.

John pushed again, rubbing his bare cock against the fabric of Rodney's boxers, feeling Rodney's cock with his own.

"Wait, wait," Rodney said, lifting himself away from John. "Blowjob, remember?"

"Okay." Breathing heavily, John touched Rodney's cheek. "Okay."

Rodney slid down, and this time he wasn't slow. He simply closed his mouth around the head of John's cock and sucked.

John gasped and tried to keep his hips still. It was so damned good, wet and warm, the suction tugging at him. Rodney's hand curled around the base of John's cock and Rodney began sucking in earnest, sliding his mouth up and down. John could feel it all--the softness of Rodney's lips, the slick caress of his tongue, the warmth of his breath.

Lifting himself onto his elbows, John watched. Soft slurping sounds filled the air, their rhythm matching the one on his cock. Then Rodney groaned, a quiet sound, mostly hidden by John's cock. But John heard it, and the sound turned him on even more. Rodney liked it, liked sucking John's cock. John could see it, and feel it, and getting head from someone who really liked giving it was so much better.

"Rodney," John said, wanting to somehow tell Rodney how good it was.

Rodney looked up at him from under his lashes, his mouth halfway down John's cock, and John started to come. He kept his eyes open, watching as Rodney swallowed, as Rodney kept sucking, until it became too much and he had to close his eyes as the pleasure shuddered through him.

"Oh, God," John groaned, dropping back onto the bed.

"Not quite," Rodney said, settling on his side next to John and resting a hand on John's stomach. "But if I were, I'd have really good commandments."

"I bet you would," John said, rolling his head to the side to look at Rodney.

Rodney kissed him, and John returned the kiss happily. He liked tasting himself in someone else's mouth. It was kind of dirty, which made it hot.

Rodney's cock was hard against his hip, and John tugged lightly on his boxers. "Shouldn't you be out of these?"

"If you insist," Rodney said, but he seemed pretty eager to get out of them, turning onto his back and lifting his hips.

John rolled onto his side and lifted himself up onto one elbow. He wanted to see Rodney naked. Rodney settled back onto the bed and John looked. Rodney may have been slender, but his cock was thick. John wondered if he'd fill out over the next few years, until the rest of him matched his cock.

Fine, almost golden hair and pale skin, John wanted to touch him everywhere, but there was one place he wanted to touch more than the rest. Reaching out, he curled his hand around Rodney's cock and gave it a slow stroke all the way to the base. It felt good in his hand, smooth and firm, and the way Rodney groaned made John want to keep touching him, made John want to do everything right.

"Is it okay if I--"

"You can do whatever you want," Rodney said before John could finish, looking at John with so much want in his eyes that John's breath caught.

John moved to kneel between Rodney's legs. There were Rodney's balls, not quite hanging so much as just there, beneath Rodney's cock, held against his body by his sac. John brushed them his fingers. Rodney's scrotum was almost mesmerizingly soft. Wanting to feel more, John cupped them in his hand.

Rodney made a quiet, almost pleading sound. John stroked his cock again, studying the head, the ridge, the shaft, all of it.

The head looked kind of sweet, and John brushed his lips across it without thinking, making Rodney gasp.

Pleased that he was doing something right, John did it again. Then he touched the head with his tongue, lightly tasting Rodney before swirling his tongue around it.

"Please, John, anything. I'm so close. Please."

The sound of Rodney's voice, low and desperate, sent John's half-hard cock to full mast. John was too focused on Rodney, and Rodney's cock, to give it any attention. Opening his mouth, he took Rodney in.

"Oh, oh, yes" Rodney moaned.

Encouraged, John slid his mouth further down, stopping when he felt Rodney's cock touch the back of his throat and pulling up again. This wasn’t so hard. He could do this. Sucking a little harder this time, he went down again. Soon he had a rhythm going. It took more concentration than he'd thought if would, but it felt better, too. He was feeling another man's cock with his lips and tongue, the firm skin, the vaguely salty taste. Rodney's cock was filling his mouth. It was so hot John didn’t care that his jaw was getting tired.

"John," Rodney said, haphazardly petting John's head.

A moment later he felt Rodney's cock pulse and salty fluid spurted into his mouth. Surprised, John let go. Realizing he shouldn't stop yet, John began to lightly stroke the cock pulsing in his hand, watching as Rodney's fluid left stripes across his chest.

Rodney's head was tilted back and his eyes were closed, his whole body arching toward John's hand. He looked amazing.

John had done it. He'd sucked a cock. He'd made another guy come. "Sorry about the swallowing thing," John said when Rodney relaxed into the bed and opened his eyes. "I meant to. You just kind of caught me by surprise."

Looking a little dazed, Rodney smiled at him. "It's no big deal. Really."

"Okay," John said, although he still wished he'd swallowed. Letting go of Rodney's cock, he tried to figure out what he should do next. Did guys cuddle? Or was he supposed to leave? He didn't want to leave.

"When do you have to go?" Rodney asked.

"I ship out tomorrow afternoon."

"If you want to stay, we could do it again in a little while."

"I'd like that."

"Me, too."

Happy Rodney didn't want him to go, and even happier that they were going to do it again, John lay on his side next to Rodney, his erection brushing against Rodney's hip. Rodney didn't seem to mind. "Can I ask you something?"


"Is it usually fast with guys? Earlier you seemed like you expected to just get right to it."

Rodney mouth twisted a little, as though he was thinking about it. "The guys I've been with always wanted to just go straight for the cock, get off and move on. But I've only done casual, it might be different if you're in a relationship." He paused. "I like your way better. Not that I've never done slow, I've done slow with women."

"You like women too?" John asked, shifting a little deeper into the pillow. Rodney had really comfortable pillows.

"Yeah, I do. For a while I couldn't figure it out. Was I gay or was I straight? I'm a scientist. I like categories. After a while, I decided I was just horny."

John chuckled, and Rodney rolled onto his side facing John.

"What about you?"

"I've dated women. I've even had good sex with women, but I think I like men more," John said, resting a hand on Rodney's hip.

"But I'm the only man you've had sex with," Rodney pointed out. "Unless I’m that good..."

John kissed him, lingering. "It was good, very good." He paused, remembering all those feelings he'd had growing up that he'd known he wasn't supposed to have. "I always had feelings for guys." Talking about them was almost as big a relief as acting on them had been.

"You never did anything about it? Never fooled around with your friends?"

John shook his head. "My father's career military. I've spent most of my life on military bases. Not exactly a safe place to be gay."

"I suppose not. You must have felt really alone."

"Yeah," John said closing his eyes against Rodney's sympathy. It was the last thing he wanted to talk about right now, that feeling of wrongness, of knowing that you weren't what you were supposed to be.

"But you signed up," Rodney said, questioning.

Opening his eyes, John put on his easy smile. "I had two good reasons: jets and helicopters."

"You like flying that much?"

"I love flying that much."


"Why?" No one had ever asked John why he liked to fly. It was like asking someone why they liked peanut butter.

"Is it an adrenalin thing, like with Friday the 13th? Do you like the height or the speed, or…"


Rodney frowned at him, clearly not liking John's lack of an explanation.

"Why do you like science?" John countered, figuring Rodney wouldn't have an explanation either and then they'd be even.

"Because I like knowing how things work. There's nothing cooler than figuring out what the universe is made of, how it fits together."

That made sense. "I like going fast, and being up above everyone else, able to look down, getting so high you can barely see the ground. And controlling the plane, twisting it, turning it, making it do what you want it to."

"You make it sound fun."

"It is fun," John said, pleased he'd made Rodney see that. "A lot of fun." He slid his hand up Rodney's side. "Can we kiss some more now?"

"Of course," Rodney said and kissed him.

Rodney rolled onto his back and John moved with him, settling on top of Rodney. He had a cute guy with a thick cock spread out underneath him. Going to that bar had definitely been one of his better ideas.

The kissing gradually gave way to touching. Lots of touching. The girls John had had sex with always seemed to think that John should be grateful they were letting him touch them, but not Rodney. Rodney made encouraging noises and moved into John's touch. He wanted John to touch him. He was enjoying it. John was enjoying it too. Rodney's skin was smooth, and he had muscles, not body builder muscles, just average guy muscles. They curved beneath John's hands in all kinds of interesting ways.

Plus, Rodney touched too, in between random kisses pressed to the insides of elbows and the sides of necks. John liked the way Rodney touched him, his curious fingers finding all kinds of places no one else had ever bothered with, like the crease between his thighs and groin.

Rodney's thigh brushed John's cock, and touching just wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to feel all of Rodney, all at once. Pressing Rodney back against the bed, John settled on top of him. His weight holding Rodney in place, John kissed him like Rodney's mouth was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted.

Rodney lifted his hips and John pushed back. They came that way, cocks rubbing against skin, leaving both of their chests smeared with fluid. It was squishy, but John didn't care. Messy sex was the best sex. Rubbing their chests together, he relaxed into Rodney with a sated sigh.

"Comfortable?" Rodney asked.


Rodney's arms tightened around John's shoulders. "Okay."

John was starting to drift off when Rodney said, "Don't fall asleep."

"Okay," John mumbled. "Why?"

"If tonight is the only chance we're going to get, I don't want to waste it by sleeping."

John didn't either, not when they could be having messy sex. "Me, either."

Rodney stroked the back of John's neck with his fingers. "So stay awake."

"Keep me awake," John said, turning his face toward Rodney and kissing his cheek. "Tell me about you."

"I'm Canadian."

"I knew that."

"Right, I'm supposed to say 'eh' more often."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm a physicist."

"Knew that too."

"I really like having sex with you."

"Knew that."

"I eat too many potato chips."

"Guessed that."

Rodney slid his hand down the length of John's back. "So what do you want to know that you haven't already figured out?"

John lifted his face from Rodney's neck and shifted to the side just enough so that he could rest his head on his hand and look at Rodney. He wanted to know all kinds of things, but most of them weren't the kinds of things you could just tell someone. "Did you fool around with other guys when you were younger?"

"I had this friend in chess club. We used to play for blow jobs."

John stared at him for a long moment, then he started to laugh. "You played chess for blow jobs."

"It was motivating."

"I'm sure it was." John kissed him to make up for the laughing. "So what else have you done?"

"Hand jobs, blow jobs, that's pretty much it. You're the only one I've ever done frottage with."

"How come?"

"It's kind of intimate, with the full body contact and the kissing. Much more intimate than if the only thing that gets touched is your dick."

It had been intimate, in a good way, at least John had thought it was a good way. "Did you like it?"

"Yes. Did you?"

Rodney had that serious look again, and John had to kiss him. Maybe he didn't have to, but he liked kissing Rodney. "Oh, yeah," John said, "You feel really good. Really good." The way Rodney smiled made John want to say the words all over again.

"You feel good, too."

This time John did have to kiss him, because the corner of his mouth was quirked up again in that sexy way, reminding John of all the fun things Rodney could do with his mouth.

Wanting to make Rodney hard again, John kissed the side of his neck, searching for the place that had made Rodney shudder when they were kissing on the couch. He found it and Rodney clutched at John's shoulders, his cock hardening against John's stomach. John lingered, sucking lightly at first, then harder. The idea of giving Rodney a hickey, of leaving behind evidence of what they'd done, excited him.

"John," Rodney gasped, titling his head to the side.

John drew back. There was a red mark on Rodney's neck. John kissed it quickly and then slid lower, kissing his way across Rodney's chest. He could taste their come on Rodney's skin, his and Rodney's. Sliding the fingers of one hand across Rodney's chest, he brushed them across Rodney's nipple coating it with their fluids. Rodney's nipple was temptingly hard beneath his fingers and John had to suck it.

Sucking lightly, pausing to trace it with his tongue, John brushed his fingers over Rodney's other nipple.

Rodney shifted beneath him, tilting his head back and lifting his chest towards John. John sucked a little harder, loving the feel of Rodney's hand sliding into his hair, holding him against Rodney's chest.

When Rodney relaxed his hold, John lifted his face. Rodney immediately kissed him. "You taste like come," Rodney said.


"I don't know if it's yours or mine."

"Yeah," John said, kissing him again.

"That is such a turn-on."

"Oh, yeah."

Rodney chuckled a little and pulled John in for another kiss. Then he rolled them, kissing John's neck the same way John had kissed his.

"No marks," John whispered.

"I know."

Rodney sucked lightly on his neck, and John wished Rodney could mark him. He wanted to walk away from this changed, with proof that it had happened, that he'd been in bed with another man, that he'd finally done it. "Fuck me."

Rodney immediately let go of John's neck and stared down at him.

"If you want to," John added, suddenly uncertain, because maybe Rodney hadn't fucked before because he didn't want to.

"I… Of course I want to. If you want to."

John touched Rodney's cheek, sliding his fingers over a high cheekbone. "I want to."

"Okay," Rodney breathed, gazing at John with an amazed expression. "I have stuff."

"Good. I have condoms."

"Me too. I'll just--" Rodney pointed at the stand next to the other side of the bed.


Rodney climbed over John, almost kneeing him in the stomach, clumsy where he hadn't been before. After some rummaging, he turned around with a couple of condom packets in one hand and a black bottle labeled Astroglide in the other. "Got it."

John spread his legs, loving the way Rodney's smile faltered slightly.

"Right," Rodney muttered and climbed over John's leg to kneel between them. "So have you ever? Of course not. This is your first time with a guy."

"I've had fingers," John said, holding up his right hand and wiggling his fingers.

"Oh," Rodney said, an expression of pure lust crossing his face, followed by uncertainty.

Sitting up, John kissed him quickly, then again, lingering at little the second time. "It'll be good. We'll take it slow and stop if it doesn't feel right."

"I just don't want to mess up and, I don’t know, turn you off of anal sex for the rest of your life."

"I can always go back to being straight."

Rodney snorted, put the condoms down on the bed, and opened the lube, tilting the bottle and squirting some onto his fingers. Rodney's fingers were wider than John's and watching Rodney cover them with lube made John shiver a little. "You should lie back down," Rodney said with a quick kiss.

John lay down, drawing in a deep breath. He wasn't sure if the fluttering in his stomach was nerves or arousal. When Rodney bent down and kissed the base of John's cock, John decided it was arousal.

Another kiss, and John felt slick fingers sliding around, searching. He moved his legs farther apart just as Rodney's fingers touched his opening.

"I'm going to push in," Rodney said.

"Go for it," John said, pressing his feet into the mattress and tilting his hips.

Rodney's finger slid in easily, and Rodney looked up at him.

"Practice," John said with an embarrassed smile.

"A lot, apparently."

"There is nothing wrong with a little masturbation."

"I didn’t say there was," Rodney said, sliding his finger back and forth.

"Try two."



"It's your ass," Rodney muttered and pushed two fingers just inside.

John instinctively lifted his hips at the stretch, even though the movement did nothing to make it easier. "You have big fingers."

"And you have a tiny ass."

"It's not tiny. It's normal."

Rodney was frowning at him. "Does it hurt?"

John shook his head. "It just stretches. Try more." As Rodney eased his fingers deeper, they glanced against John's prostate. "Bend them," John ordered. Rodney obeyed and pleasure spread out from the point of contact, making him want more. Apparently, Rodney noticed because he did it again and again, until John was clutching at the sheet and moving his hips, trying to get more of Rodney's fingers.

When Rodney pulled his fingers back and then pushed them in again hard, John groaned, low and deep.

"You… you should see yourself. The way you look…"

The sound of Rodney's voice focused John's attention back on him. The look on his face, lust and wonder, no one had ever looked at John like that. People usually looked at him like they wanted to own him, but Rodney was looking at him like John was every wet dream Rodney had ever had. "I want you," John said, his voice soft. "Please."

"Okay." Rodney's voice was soft, too. He slipped his fingers out, and John immediately missed them. Picking up a condom, he fumbled with the packet.

"Let me," John said, sitting up and taking the condom from Rodney. He'd gotten lube on the foil and John rubbed it on the sheet. It was still a little slippery, but he was able to get it open. Placing the condom over the head of Rodney's cock, he squeezed the tip and slowly unrolled it. He could hear Rodney breathing fast and hard, and feel Rodney's eyes on his hands. His own cock twitched.

Picking up the lube from where Rodney had dropped it, John poured some into his hands, then he rubbed it on Rodney's cock, slicking the condom. He slid his hand up and down, feeling Rodney's cock, the cock that was going to fuck him.

When he looked up, Rodney placed a hand behind John's head and kissed him hungrily. John responded just as hungrily. He'd wanted to be fucked for so long, but never like this, never with someone. He'd always wanted alone, in secret. Shared wanting was like soaring, being up above everything, only with someone next to you.

"Oh God, John," Rodney breathed, breaking their kiss. "How do you want… I mean what position…"

"You're the physicist," John said, trying to smile teasingly, trying for some control.

"Hands and knees will let you move."

"Okay." John kissed him again, reluctant to let go. "Okay." Then he turned onto his hands and knees.

Rodney touched his hip, sliding his hand over John's ass. "You've got the best ass."

John chuckled a little, because he was on his hands and knees, with his ass in the air and a man's hand stroking it, and he felt powerful, like for once he was the one calling the shots. Dropping his head, he caught sight of his own cock, jutting out from between his legs, hard, wanting. Feeling Rodney's fingers at his entrance, sliding in again, he pushed back onto them. He wanted this, wanted this man he barely knew to push inside him, open him up, fuck him. "Please."

"I don’t want to hurt you."

"I'll tell you if you do, promise."

"Okay." Rodney's fingers were withdrawn and John felt something big and firm press against his entrance. John pulled in a breath and Rodney pushed.

It wasn't comfortable, but it didn't hurt either. Rodney stopped just inside. "All right?"

"Yeah, yeah, just…"

Rodney stroked his back. "We're not in a hurry."

"I know." He was opened all around Rodney's cock, and he wanted more of it, wanted to feel it all the way inside. "Can you hold still?"

"I think so. Maybe." Rodney's hand tightened on his hip. "Yes."

Rodney must've really wanted to make it good for him, because if their positions had been reversed John didn't think he could have kept still. He couldn't keep still now. Moving slowly, he pushed himself back onto Rodney's cock.

Rodney groaned. "You should see this. It's just…"

"Hot?" John asked, barely able to get out the word.


Rodney's cock in him felt beautiful. Or made him feel beautiful. John didn't know which. He couldn't think. All he could focus on was the cock inside him, the way it caressed him as he moved. Shifting forward, he let Rodney slide out some, and then eased back again, feeling Rodney reach a little deeper inside him. "Move with me," he said, easing forward again.

Resting both hands on John's hips, Rodney moved with him, slow and easy. It was like Rodney was touching him more intimately than anyone else ever had, caressing John deep inside.

At first, Rodney whispered things, telling John how good he felt, how amazing he looked. But when John took Rodney's hand and pressed it to his cock, Rodney fell silent. John kept his hand over Rodney's, not letting him stroke, just holding it there, where he could feel it.

Rodney came pressed tightly against John, his hipbones cutting into John's ass. Even with the condom on John could feel his cock pulse. It was intimate, feeling someone else come like this. John tried to push back against him, wanting to feel more of it, but he couldn’t get closer. When the pulsing stopped, Rodney kissed his back, pressing his cheek to John's skin. John couldn't wait any longer, and he moved their joined hands over his cock until he came too, feeling his ass contract around Rodney's cock, the pleasure leaving him shaken.

Rodney simply wrapped an arm around John's chest, holding him until his softening cock slipped free. With a second kiss, Rodney let him go, removing the condom before getting up to dispose of it.

By the time he came back, John had shifted onto his side, and Rodney curled up behind him. "You okay?" he whispered, molding his body to John's but not embracing him.

"Yeah, it just wasn't what I was expecting." He hadn't expected to feel so exposed, or for a stranger to make him feel cared for.

"Me, either."

He wondered what Rodney had been expecting, if he'd failed to live up to Rodney's expectations, or maybe surpassed them. "It was good, though. Really good."

"So I haven't ruined anal sex for you?"

John turned onto his back and cupped Rodney's face in his hand. "No, no. It was… amazing." It had been, and it only seemed fair that Rodney should know that. John didn't mention that he wasn't sure he'd be able to do it again any time soon.

"For me, too."

John kissed him lightly. "Maybe we should sleep a little."

"Okay." Rodney's eyes slid shut. Reaching for Rodney's arm, John pulled it over him. Rodney smiled but didn't open his eyes. John closed his.

There was a warm body pressed against his side when John woke up, and he turned toward it. Rodney was awake and gazing at him. "What time is it?" John asked sleepily, blinking against the light coming through the windows.


"Still time then."

Rodney nodded, his expression oddly serious for a guy who'd had some amazing sex the night before. Then again, John didn't know him that well, maybe he was always serious. "Yes."

John kissed him, steeling himself for morning breath, but getting only toothpaste. "You brushed your teeth."

"I had to piss."

John's eyes landed on the bruise on the side of Rodney's neck, down near his shoulder. John touched it with a single finger.

"Is there a mark?" Rodney asked, tilting his head.

John nodded and leaned in to press his lips to Rodney's neck. Rodney smelled like sex, so he hadn't showered. Kissing Rodney's neck again, John slid his lips slowly upward. When he reached Rodney's ear, he sucked lightly on the lobe.

Rodney groaned, a quiet sound that went right through John. Unfortunately, he had to piss, too. "Bathroom?"

"Go back out into the living room. It's on the left."

John moved to the edge of the bed, his cock sticking out in front of him as he stood.

"There's a spare toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. My dentist seems to think I need a collection."

He found the bathroom easily, but it took him a moment to convince his cock that before it could have what it wanted, his bladder needed to get what it wanted. Winning that battle was blissful relief.

There was a mirrored medicine cabinet over the sink, and John found three toothbrushes inside, all wrapped in plastic with "Robert Thompson, DDS" printed on the handle. He used the purple one, staring at his reflection as he brushed. He knew it was silly to think he'd look different, but it seemed unfair that he didn't. He'd been fucked. It should show.

Then again, it was probably best that it didn't.

"In here," Rodney yelled when John stepped back into the living room, and he peeked around the corner to find Rodney in a pair of bright blue boxers standing at the sink. "Thought I'd make some breakfast."

"Food would be good," John agreed, stepping close enough to peer over Rodney's shoulder at the frying pan in the sink. "What are you making?"

"Eggs. How do you like yours?"

"Over easy."

Rodney glanced over his shoulder at John. "Aren't you afraid of salmonella?"

"Not especially."

Rodney frowned at him, looking as though he wanted to argue the point. "Okay, but if you get sick don't blame me."

"I won't." The curve of Rodney's shoulder was right in front of him, so John kissed it. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Get the eggs."

John started toward the fridge.

"And the milk."

For the next several minutes they focused on the logistics of getting breakfast, with John making toast and sneaking glances at Rodney's ass while Rodney cooked the eggs. They ate in near silence. John didn't mind. Meals were usually tense in his experience, and not talking tended to cut down on the tension.

Although breakfast with Rodney wasn't tense, just quiet. In fact, it was almost companionable. Rodney ate with the same focused attention he'd had during sex. It was kind of fun to watch, and John wondered if Rodney was thinking about the eggs' component molecules.

But mostly he just enjoyed the view--disheveled hair, bare chest with tiny, hard nipples, the mark John had left on his neck. Rodney looked like someone who should be in bed. With company.

His ass was a little sore and John shifted in his seat. It felt good. He felt good, sated and relaxed, like he'd been fucked.

Which he had.

His plate empty, Rodney pushed it forward slightly. "You should eat before your eggs get cold." Rodney said.

"Right." John maneuvered his dripping yolk onto a piece of toast.

"What's the food like in the Air Force?"


"I like bland food. Food should be predictable."

For a guy who had spent the night with a stranger he'd met in a gay bar, Rodney was decidedly lacking a sense of adventure. "I like trying new things."

"Ah," Rodney said, lifting a finger, "but when you're allergic new things can kill you."

"Walking across the street can kill you."

"Not if you're careful."

John didn't have an answer for that so he focused on finishing his egg and toast combination. Rodney had cooked the yolk to just the right amount of gooey. "If I was careful, I wouldn't be here," John said, an answer occurring to him as he chewed.

Rodney lifted his finger, then lowered it again. "Good point."

John grinned. He liked winning arguments with smart people, and he was pretty sure Rodney was really smart. "It was worth the risk."

"Really?" The way he could make Rodney light up with just the slightest compliment was kind of addictive. "Of course it was," Rodney added. "It was sex. Good sex. Very good sex."

John nodded. "We should do it again before I have to leave."

Rodney practically beamed at him. "I can do that."

John tried to clean up after finishing his breakfast. He even started filling the sink with water, but Rodney pressed himself against John's back and wrapped his arms around John's waist, caressing John's chest with one hand while kissing his neck. When Rodney whispered that the dishes could wait, John decided good manners required that he acquiesce to the wishes of his host and go back to bed with him.

They lay in the center of Rodney's bed, kissing as though they were never going to have to stop. John was good with that. Rodney's tongue brushed his. Very good.

He'd found another shiver-inducing spot on the other side of Rodney's neck, and he sucked gently, sliding his hand into the back of Rodney's boxers at the same time.

"You…" Rodney breathed. "You…"

"I?" John murmured, not taking his lips from Rodney's.

"Fingers. You really do that to yourself?"


Rodney stroked John's chest, and John moved into the touch. "Would you?"


Pulling away enough that they could see one another, Rodney said, "I haven't asked yet."

"Doesn't matter." John kissed him again. "Answer's still yes." John always thought about things before he said yes, but everything he and Rodney had done together so far had been so good that he couldn't imagine not enjoying whatever Rodney wanted.

Still kissing John, Rodney started pushing at his boxers. John tried to help him, and between them they managed to get them low enough for Rodney to kick off with barely a pause in the kissing. John immediately rested his hand on Rodney's balls. The skin was just so damn soft. He wanted to feel it.

Rodney tweaked one of John's nipples before sliding his own hand down to cup John's ass. John pushed back against his hand. "What did I agree to?"

"Touch me. You agreed to touch me. Inside."

"Oh," John said, but it came out more like a moan, which he could hardly be blamed for since Rodney was sucking on his earlobe. "Where'd the lube go?"

"No idea." Rodney didn't so much speak the words as breathe them in John's ear.

"We have to find it."

"Uh-huh," Rodney said, but then they were kissing again. John rolled onto his back, bringing Rodney with him. John loved this, the feel of Rodney's body against his, the deep, almost desperate kisses, the way Rodney's cock was pressing into his stomach.

"I really want you to touch me," Rodney whispered.

"Okay," John panted. "Okay." He wanted to keep holding onto Rodney, to come with Rodney's weight on top of him, but with everything Rodney had done for him he could do this for Rodney.

Rodney sat up and began feeling around on the bed for the lube. John did, too. His hand landed on something round under the sheet and John reached underneath, pulling out the bottle of lube.

"How'd it get under there?" Rodney asked frowning. Rodney's frown was sexy enough when he was dressed, but naked, sitting back on his heels, with his cock jutting up in front of him, it was enough to make John want to kiss him and suck him and fuck him all at once.

"Lie down," John said, and Rodney stretched out next to him.

John bent over and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking as he shifted so he was kneeling between Rodney's legs.

"Nice move," Rodney said when John sat back.

John grinned. "Thanks." Pouring some lube onto his fingers, he spread it around with his thumb. He was really going to do this. Satisfied with the lube, he looked up to find Rodney looking at him. "Ready?"

Rodney took a deep breath. "Yes."

"It'll feel good. If it doesn't, just tell me and I'll stop." Placing his fingers between Rodney's cheeks, he moved them upward, searching. Then he found it, a few stray hairs, wrinkled skin. He moved his finger around the outside, but Rodney's opening wasn't much bigger than John's finger. Rodney was staring at him, large eyes making him look more vulnerable than he was, at least John hoped he wasn't that vulnerable. Because Rodney looking vulnerable was arousing, and that someone else's vulnerability could turn him on was something John hadn't wanted to know about himself.

"I'm going to…"

"Okay." Rodney said it really quickly, as though the answer might be different if he took too long.

"Okay," John said and pushed inside. Tight muscle at the entrance, but then Rodney opened up a little, although there still wasn't a lot of room. He could understand why Rodney had been doubtful about getting his fingers in John's ass. "How's it feel?"


John couldn't really argue with that, so he simply slid his finger back and forth a few times, getting Rodney used to it. Then he crooked his finger, finding what he was looking for almost immediately.

Rodney gasped. "Okay, that's good."

"Told you."

"Don’t brag, just…"

John did it again.


After a few tries John managed to get a rhythm going, stroking Rodney's prostate as he moved his finger back and forth. Rodney seemed to like it, clutching at the sheet, making all kinds of tiny, desperate sounds, lifting his hips. No wonder Rodney had said John looked hot, if he'd looked anything like Rodney did.

When John eased in a second finger, Rodney went still. John was about to take it out, when Rodney breathed out a long, low, "yes."

Leaning forward, John nuzzled Rodney's balls, Rodney's very male smell going all the way down to his cock. It was a simple thing to open his mouth and take in one of them. He sucked very gently, slowing the motion of his fingers to match his sucking.

"John, John."

The sound of Rodney saying his name like that, dazed with pleasure, made John want to give him more pleasure, to make him feel so damned good he'd never forget this, never forget John.

He switched sides, sucking that ball gently too before sliding his mouth up the length of Rodney's shaft and taking the head of Rodney's cock into his mouth. Wrapping his free hand around the base, he began pushing in with his fingers as he slid his mouth downward.

Rodney shifted beneath him, moving his hips and making the most amazing sounds.

John's world became those sounds, and the cock in his mouth, and the ass surrounding his fingers. Rodney came too soon, flooding John's mouth. He swallowed this time, managing to get most of it as Rodney thrust shallowly into his mouth, riding John's fingers.

He could feel Rodney's whole body shaking and the muscles in his ass contracting. And he was the cause. Rodney was shaking because John had touched him and John had sucked him. John wanted to do it all over again.

"Come here," Rodney said, a slight edge in his voice.

Gently withdrawing his fingers and letting go of Rodney's cock, John went. Rodney immediately wrapped his arms around John's shoulders, pulling him into a hug and burying his face in John's neck.

"Hey," John whispered, stroking his side. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just, wow." Rodney didn't let go, and John didn't try to move away, content to hold Rodney close.

Eventually Rodney loosened his hold. "You should let me do that to you."

"I should, huh?"

"Yes, you should."

Rolling onto his back, John spread his legs.


"We reek," Rodney said.

John turned his head toward Rodney. They were lying side by side on Rodney's bed, arms, shoulders, and for some reason John couldn't discern, feet, brushing. "Yeah."

"You like it," Rodney accused with a laugh.

"So do you," John said, rubbing the bottom of Rodney's foot with the top of his own. "There is definitely something to be said for smelling like really good sex."

"Yes, yes there is." Rodney paused. "Or at least for the getting stinky part."

John knew he should get up and shower, but he didn't want to move. Rodney's bed was a good place to be. He liked it.

He liked Rodney.

Rodney turned onto his side. "I'm guessing you shouldn't go back like this," he said, rubbing his fingers over John's stubble.


"You can use my razor if you want. And you should probably shower."

"Yeah." He studied Rodney's face for a moment. He had hair sticking up in odd directions, and there were circles under his eyes. John wanted to curl up next to him and sleep. "Want to join me?"

"It's a small shower."

"We'll manage."

There was barely room for them both in Rodney's shower, but they were managing. Watching Rodney stand under the spray, held tilted back and eyes closed as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair, John had to reach out. He slid his hand down the center of Rodney's chest. There was no sex in the touch, even he had his limits and they didn't have much time left.

Rodney opened his eyes.

"I always shower alone," John said. After sex he always showered by himself. He liked the privacy.

Stepping close, Rodney kissed him briefly. "Want me to wash your back?"

John handed him the soap, closing his eyes as Rodney began to wash him with soapy hands.


Rodney left him alone to shave, although John wasn't sure why since Rodney's razor was electric and didn't exactly require a great deal of concentration to use. John rubbed his cheek. Or work that well. He gazed at his reflection in the mirror. There he was, Lt. Sheppard, shaved, scrubbed and ready for duty. Turning away, John went in search of his clothes.

He found Rodney in the kitchen, washing the dishes, wearing jeans and an Albert Einstein t-shirt that was at least a size too big. He looked about sixteen. "How old are you?" John asked, momentarily afraid he'd had sex with an under aged prodigy.


"Twenty?" John repeated. "I thought you just finished your Master's."

"I did. I went to college at sixteen, graduated at nineteen, and did my master's in a year."

"Overachiever," John said, but he softened the word with a kiss.

They parted and Rodney blinked at him, his eyes taking up at least half of his face. "You have to go."

John swallowed. "Yeah. How do I get back to the bar? I left my car about a block from there."

"Go out the main doors and turn left. Go four blocks to Congress and then turn right. The third left is Maple. The bar is on the corner of Maple and Cedar. Want me to go with you?"

John did. He wanted to spend every moment with Rodney that he could, but if Rodney came with him they'd be saying good-bye in public, and John wanted to be able to kiss him. "I can manage."

"Okay." Rodney looked away.

"Rodney," John said, pulling Rodney's gaze back to him. "Thank you."

The corner of Rodney's mouth tilted up again. "It was my pleasure."

"I knew that."

Rodney kissed him repeatedly, pressing their lips back together without ever completely separating them.

"I need to go," John whispered, his hands tightening on Rodney's waist.

"I'll walk you out."

Neither of them said anything, not even when they reached the door, not even when John reached for Rodney and pulled him close, holding him tightly before letting him go and opening the door.

He was never sure if he imagined the soft "have a nice life," that followed him into the hallway.


John circled the chair. The thing that had nearly blown them up had been controlled by this chair. Ancients, Stargate, it was like something out of a science fiction novel, one of the ones that was more fiction than science. "So some people have the same genes as these Ancients," John said.

"The specific gene is very rare, but on the whole they look very much like we do. In fact they were first through the second evolution of this form," The guy who had nearly killed him said. Second evolution, that didn't sound like anything he'd been taught in college bio. "The Ancients having explored this Galaxy for millions of years before--"

John started to sit.

"Major, please don't."

"Come on, what are the odds of me having the same genes as these guys?" John said sitting.

"Quite slim actually," the man said as the chair lit up. "Dr. Weir," he yelled, then said, "Don't move" to John before dashing off.

John tensed. Just because the weapon chair lit up when he sat in it, that didn't mean anything. Taking a deep breath, he tried to believe it.

O'Neill came rushing up with a dark-haired woman and two men John hadn't met.

"Who's this?" The woman asked, just as O'Neill said, "I said don't touch anything."

"I just sat down," John said, keeping his eyes on the ceiling, because he was a little wary of what might happen if he looked around.

"Major, think about where we are in the solar system," suggested one of the men.

John thought, and a map appeared over their heads showing the solar system. It even had all the moons. "Did I do that?" John asked in awe.

"Yes. Now I want you to think of Atlantis," the same man said. His voice was vaguely familiar, but John was too occupied to think about it.

"Atlantis?" John asked and the map changed, showing an entirely different solar system.

"Atlantis," the man repeated in a satisfied tone. John looked directly at him for the first time. The hair was darker and shorter, but he'd know those eyes anywhere. Rodney.


Being formally introduced to someone he'd once had sex with had to qualify as one of the more surreal moments of John's life. But then Rodney had gone back to work and John was left to wander around the open room, the only person with nothing to do. He tried not to stare, but it was Rodney. It had taken nearly a year for Rodney to cease being his sole jerk off fantasy and become merely his favourite. And still more years for John to stop wondering if he'd run into him every time he was in a town with a university.

Rodney was broader, heavier now, and his hair… John couldn't get over the way his hair had changed. His previously thick, almost blonde hair was now straight and dark brown. And thinning. If it hadn't been for the glances in his direction, John might have thought it was a different Rodney, but when Rodney looked at him, there wasn’t any doubt.

Rodney started toward the door, finally a chance to talk to him. "Dr. McKay," John called.

"Major." Rodney stopped and waited while John jogged up to him.

John looked around at the various technicians and soldiers, all intent on what they were doing. "I wanted to ask you something."

"I won't give away your secret, Major," Rodney said lowering his voice to barely audible and leaning close to John.

"I wasn't sure you remembered," John answered.

"You're not exactly forgettable."

John felt himself start to smile. "Neither are you."

"Oh, well, no I guess not." Rodney somehow managed to look abashed and proud at the same time.

"I wanted to ask you about," John gestured at the room. "All of this."

"I was just going to get some lunch. You can come along if you like."

"After you," John said gesturing in front of them.

The base mess appeared to consist of a coffee machine, a microwave, a refrigerator and stacks of MREs. John could happily never eat another one. Rodney, however, seemed to actually like the things, digging into his like it was real food. They were alone except for a guy in the corner bent over a laptop.

"We’ve been visiting other planets, through a big ring, for years," John said, because he badly needed to say it to someone.

His mouth full, Rodney nodded.

"And these rings were built by a race called the Ancients, as was this base, and the thing that tried to kill us."

"A drone, yes," Rodney said, pausing to take a sip of his coffee.

"And I have a gene that these guys also had."


"And you still eat like it's the most important thing in the universe."

"Eating is important," Rodney said, waving a hand at him. "If you don't eat you can't do anything else." Pushing his empty MRE away, Rodney leaned forward. "The Stargate isn't just a big ring. It creates a Lorentzian wormhole, a hole in space and time, through which matter and EM can pass."

John nodded as though that made perfect sense, which it probably did, to Rodney. John was still stuck on the 'we've been secretly visiting other worlds for years' part.

"The really interesting thing is that in order for there to be Lorentzian wormholes, general relativity dictates that you also have to have exotic matter. Yet, despite the fact that we've been travelling through the wormholes for years--"

"Have you done it? Gone to another planet?"

Rodney shook his head. "Not yet. As I was saying you have to have exotic matter, but no one has found any yet. I think the Ancients created it." Rodney said this last bit as though that should mean something to John. "If they could create a Zero Point Module, there is very little they couldn't do."

"Zero Point Module?"

"ZPM, Zero Point Module, it's an Ancient power source. They actually captured part of subspace in the module. It's amazing technology."

John had no doubt that it was, judging from the excitement on Rodney's face. He was literally beaming. "So have we met any cool aliens?"

"Well, we recently defeated the Goa'uld. You'd have liked them. They made the Village People look well-dressed."

John started to grin at the joke and then stopped. "Defeated?"

Rodney nodded. "That's how this base was discovered. General O'Neill had an entire database of Ancient knowledge downloaded into his head, including the location of this base and information on how to operate the chair. He was able to use the drones to blow up their ships."

"Are you…" John paused, because it was almost too crazy to say. "Are you saying we fought a battle with aliens and no one knows?"

"Well not no one, obviously. Some of us know."

John had been in the military for a long time, he was used to secrecy, but this…

Rodney leaned further forward. "Why are you here?"

John raised an eyebrow at him, trying to switch gears.

"Not existentially," Rodney said. "In Antarctica. I've been wondering if I'd run into you since I started working with the Air Force. I never figured you'd be ferrying people around in the snow."

"I like it here."

"Oddly, that doesn't surprise me." Rodney said teasingly, but his expression remained serious. "They didn't send you here because…"

"I get Village People jokes? No. I disobeyed orders."

"You did? Well, I'm sure you had a good reason."

"I did." For some reason Rodney's unquestioning faith warmed him. Rodney had no reason to believe him. They'd known each other for less than a day when you added up the number of hours they'd spent together. But they'd been great hours. John felt himself start to smile.

"What?" Rodney asked, his eyes narrowing.

John shook his head. "Just remembering."

"Oh, well, okay then," Rodney said, looking pleased.

John's smile broadened. Unfortunately, he had to fly O'Neill back in less than an hour and he wanted to check out the chopper before they left. "I have to go. I'm supposed to fly O'Neill back."

John may have been imagining it, but it seemed like Rodney dimmed a little. "Let's stay in touch this time," he added.

"That'd be good," Rodney said. The way Rodney was looking at him made John want to stand there and be looked at. "Have a safe flight."

"As long as that Beckett guy doesn't shoot at us again, we should be fine."

"I'll keep him out of the chair," Rodney promised.

"Good." John cocked his thumb in the direction of the door and Rodney nodded. John left.


John couldn't remember the last time he'd been in a park. He passed a young woman in a jogging suit, who gave him an appreciative smile. He returned it without thought. There was a group of kids with skateboards doing stunts and John stopped to watch them.

A couple skated past him on rollerblades.

It was all so ordinary.

John resumed walking. He hadn't been around ordinary in a long time, not that he'd missed it. He liked Antarctica. It was clean. Bright, and white, and clean. No one died when you were ferrying them across the snow.

Unless someone fired an alien weapon at them.

John's buddies in Afghanistan had teased him about how unflappable he was. Nothing ever seemed to rattle him. Truth was he just hid it well.

But this, aliens, travel to other planets, other galaxies. This made him feel flapped. Really flapped. There was a hill overlooking the park, and John climbed it, stretching his legs, making them work.

He couldn't imagine anything less ordinary than an alien city in another galaxy, and they wanted John to go. Because he had an alien gene. He, John Sheppard, was being given the chance to become an intergalactic explorer.

All he had to do was step through a wormhole to another galaxy, not knowing anything about what was on the other side. John dropped to the ground, sitting and drawing up his legs in front of him.

Rodney was going.

Even after fifteen years John still thought about him sometimes, when it was just him in the darkness with his fingers and some lube. He'd had other men, even an almost relationship when he was stationed in Germany, but there had always been something about Rodney. John had no idea what it was. Now he had a chance to find out.

Alien city, another galaxy. John needed to decide. Pulling a quarter from his pocket he tossed it into the air. Heads, he'd go.

Catching it, he turned it over onto the back of his other hand and slowly lifted his fingers, reading the familiar e pluribus unum from the back of the coin.

He needed to see Rodney.


"Hi," John said as soon as the door opened, rocking slightly forward.

"Hi." Rodney stared at John for a long moment before stepping back out of the doorway. "Um, come in. Ignore the mess. I'm trying to decide what I need to take and what I need to leave."

John barely glanced at the room, noticing books and a couple of boxes, before looking back at Rodney, standing just inches away in jeans and a navy t-shirt that had started to fray at the collar. "You're really going to another galaxy?" Standing in Rodney's living room, the whole idea seemed preposterous.

"I am." Rodney's lips were pressed together in a smile.

"A man who likes his food to be predictable."

"I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember a lot of things," John said, the warmth in his voice embarrassing him.

A look of surprise crossed Rodney's face, but then his smile broadened. "Me, too."

"Dr. Weir asked me to go."

"What did you say?"

John shrugged one shoulder, tilting his head toward it. "I flipped a coin. It was tails."

"Does that mean you aren't coming or that you are?"

"Tails was 'no.'"

Rodney's eyes hadn't left John's face since Rodney had opened the door, but now he looked away. "Oh."

John reached out, his fingers brushing the side of Rodney's elbow. "I'm going." There, he'd said it. He was going, leaving behind the clean of Antarctica for no one knew what, least of all John.

"You are?"

John swallowed. Rodney was still hot when his face lit up. "Another galaxy. How could I turn that down?"

"Exactly," Rodney said with a nod. "Would you like a beer? I'm trying to empty the fridge before we leave."


Rodney disappeared into the kitchen, and John walked to the nearest bookshelf. Red Mars, Wizard: The Life and Times of Nikolas Tesla, Discrete Mathematical Structures. Still no gay sex manuals.

"Here you go," Rodney said, holding out a bottle. "This is déjà vu-like."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Maybe we should sit down before someone gets injured."

Unsurprisingly, there was an open bag of Tostitos on Rodney's couch. Picking it up, he held it out to John who shook his head. Rodney took a chip from the bag before setting it on the floor.

They sat side-by-side, sipping their beers.

"So," John said when his beer was half-gone. "Anyone going with you to Atlantis?"

"There are about one hundred-fifty people in the expedition," Rodney said, frowning at John as though he should know that.

"I meant with you."

"Oh, ooohhh, no, no one, just me, and, you know, one hundred-fifty other people."

"Including me."

A smile spread slowly across Rodney's face. "Including you."

There was no avoiding it. John had to kiss him. His lips were almost to Rodney's when a hand on his chest stopped him.

John leaned back. He'd been sure Rodney had wanted the kiss too.

"What if it's not as good as we remember?" Rodney asked, frowning with half of his mouth. John wanted to point out that if he didn't want to have sex he shouldn't frown like that. "It's been a long time, and people tend to idealize things, memories, and--"

John kissed him. He pressed his lips to Rodney's and a heartbeat later Rodney pressed back. The hand on his chest tightened, fisting his shirt, as John carefully caressed Rodney's lips with his own.

"Oh," Rodney said when they parted.

"Yeah, oh," John answered, feeling a smile spread across his face, because that was Rodney sitting a few inches away, close enough to kiss, looking at John like he was a fantasy come to life.

John had intended to savor it, but once Rodney's lips touched his again things got a little frantic, and he found himself pushing at Rodney's t-shirt to get to skin. Rodney had a chest full of hair now, which was a surprise. But it was soft against his fingers and John decided he liked it.

His lips still clinging to Rodney's, John slid his hand down Rodney's side and then back across Rodney's chest, brushing a nipple. The thought of sucking on one of Rodney's perfect little nipples was enough to make him pull his lips from Rodney's and push Rodney's shirt up and out of the way.

Rodney's nipple was already hard when John's lips closed around it. It got still harder as he sucked, tiny perfection against his tongue. John moving with him, Rodney leaned back, gripping the back of the couch with one hand to hold himself in place as John shifted sides.

When John lifted his lips to Rodney's, Rodney gave in to gravity and lay back on the couch. John went with him.

Rodney had broad shoulders and a wide chest, and laying on him was so comfortable John decided he'd have to try it again later, when he wasn't hard, and Rodney wasn't hard, and they didn't have jeans in the damn way. Gripping Rodney's shoulders, John pushed against him, rubbing his cock along Rodney's. It felt good, even with the damn jeans.

Cupping John's ass with one hand, Rodney slid his other hand up under John's shirt and John shuddered at the almost familiar touch.

John kissed his way from Rodney's mouth down the side of his neck, searching for that spot. Rodney squeezed John's ass when he found it, lifting his hips. John began to kiss and nibble his way along Rodney's collar. Sitting back on his knees, he tugged on Rodney's shirt. "You need to take this off."

"I will if you will." Rodney's eyes were practically shining with want. John couldn't look away from them.

"I knew you'd say that," he said, tugging his shirt up and off. Rodney had to curl up to get his off, but he managed. Rodney's chest looked nothing like it had before, except for the nipples. There was curly, brown hair down the center of his chest, thicker at the top, leading to all kinds of interesting places. He was broader, more solid, even with the softness around his middle. He was nothing like John had imagined, which just made it all the more real.

Bending down, John kissed the center of his chest and then began working his way downward, nuzzling and kissing. Reaching the bulge of Rodney's erection, he rubbed his cheek against it. He reached for the button on Rodney's jeans.

"Wait," Rodney said, sitting up.

John tilted his head so he could look up at him.

"I thought you liked slow."

Shifting onto his knees, close enough to Rodney that their chests brushed, John said, "I thought you didn't."

"I never said I didn't, and anyway, slow with you was good." Rodney moved his big hands slowly up John's sides, his thumbs on John's chest. He ran his fingers through John's chest hair and kissed the side of his neck. John pressed his own hands to the back of Rodney's shoulders.

They resumed kissing. Rodney's mouth was warm under his, warm and open. John kissed him deeply, wanting to get closer. He'd been waiting for this for fifteen years, and Rodney was right, they should savor it.

John rested his forehead against Rodney's. "You have a bed, right?"


"I think we should move there."

"I think you're probably right."

John climbed from the couch. "Lead the way."

Rodney still hadn't gotten into the habit of making his bed. John wasn’t about to complain, an unmade bed was easier to climb into. When Rodney stopped next to it, John wrapped his arms around Rodney's waist from behind, sliding one hand down to cup his cock. "I've never jerked you off. All that sex we had and I never jerked you off," he said quietly, his mouth just behind Rodney's ear.

"Is that what you want?" Rodney asked, tilting his head back onto John's shoulder when John squeezed his cock.

"What do you want?" John asked, opening the button on Rodney's jeans.

"Anything," Rodney breathed.

John slowly lowered Rodney's zipper. "So there isn't anything you thought about, nothing you imagined us doing together?" He wanted Rodney to have imagined all kinds of things, just like he had.

"I always regretted not asking you to fuck me." The words were spoken softly, but they went straight to John's cock.

"I can do that," John said just as softly, nuzzling the side of Rodney's neck. He slipped his hand inside Rodney's boxers and Rodney groaned. John rubbed his own cock against Rodney's ass, lightly stroking Rodney's cock.

"Did you think about it?" Rodney asked, reaching down to stop John's hand.

"Fucking you?" John whispered, gently tightening his grip on Rodney's cock and then relaxing it slightly. "Yes, I thought about it. Thought about fucking you the same way you fucked me, slow and careful. Thought about doing it hard, too, and fast and desperate. Thought about you in every way possible." John could barely believe the words coming from his lips. He never talked like this during sex.

But he'd never waited fifteen years before, either.

"Me, too," Rodney said. "Me, too." Turning in John's arms, he slid his arms around John's shoulders, pulling him in for a kiss. Kissing Rodney was still easy, especially with Rodney pressed against him, chest to chest, cock to cock.

The kiss ended and John pressed his face into Rodney's neck, holding him close, breathing him in.

"I think we should lose the jeans," Rodney murmured.

"Yeah," John said, loosening his hold.

They undressed slowly and much more smoothly than they had the first time, stealing glances at one another. With no shoes to remove, Rodney finished first, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching John remove his jeans and boxers. Naked, John walked toward him.

"Nice," Rodney said, his hand curling around John's cock.

"Glad you like it."

Bending down, Rodney kissed the tip, causing John to suck in a breath. Rodney licked the slit before looking up at him. Cupping the sides of Rodney's neck in his hands, John kissed him again, slow and thorough, like there was nothing in the world as important as Rodney's mouth.

Rodney groaned when it ended.

"Lie back," John whispered, but instead of simply lying down, Rodney twisted to the side and opened a drawer in the stand next to his bed. When he turned back he had lube and a condom in his hands.

Kneeling next to him, John accepted both, a slight tremor passing through him. He was really going to do it. He was going to fuck Rodney.

Rodney parted his legs and John knelt between them. Rodney's legs had changed too. They were thicker, more solid. John ran his hand over one of Rodney's thighs, feeling the soft tease of hair and the curve of muscle. All that time he'd spent touching Rodney, and Rodney's whole body seemed to have changed.

John was going to have to touch him all over again.

"Um, John," Rodney said, frowning down at him.

"Sorry," John said, giving him a quick smile. "I was just enjoying the view."

"Oh, well…"

Rodney actually seemed embarrassed. Charmed, John kissed the underside of his cock. Then he opened the lube.

This time when he touched Rodney, he knew what he was doing. Knew to tease Rodney with quick touches that went barely inside. Knew when to push further, when to press against Rodney's prostate.

Rodney let him; he simply lay back and let John touch him however John wanted to, gasping when John did something really good. He was content to let John play with him. John wanted to play. Rodney's body was just so damn fun, broad and inviting, and he was so open to John's touch.

He cupped and nuzzled Rodney's balls. Stroked Rodney's cock and held it against his open palm while sucking gently on the underside, and all the while he moved his fingers back and forth in Rodney's ass, getting him slick and wet.


John kissed the head of his cock. "Please what?" he asked softly, his breath moving over Rodney's cock.

"Fuck me."

John kissed his cock again before sitting back on his heels. He picked up the condom, wondering how he was going to open it with slick fingers, but there wasn't any package to open. It had foil around it that simply needed to be pushed off, one piece for each side. He could manage that easily enough.

Unrolling the condom, he slicked himself with the lube, and then he was ready. He raised his gaze to find Rodney resting on his elbows, watching. His eyes on John, Rodney lowered himself back to the bed and moved his legs a little farther apart.

John guessed that meant he wanted to do it on his back. Plus, it was really hot.

Stretching out over him, John positioned his cock. Rodney was gazing up at him, and those eyes were still enough to make John feel pinned in place. It was usually a feeling he hated, but there wasn't anything usual about he and Rodney.

He pushed. Rodney gave way around him, letting him in. John kept moving, slow and careful, and Rodney kept letting him in until he was all the way in and Rodney was all around him, Rodney's heat seeping into John through the condom, Rodney's softness cradling him.

John closed his eyes. Rodney stroked the back of his neck, big, gentle fingers touching him.

He was touching someone, someone who was touching him back, and John hadn't been touched in a long time.

He opened his eyes, looking at Rodney, at those eyes, full of life and heat. He wanted the purity of Antarctica, cold and white.

But he wanted this more.

He pulled back gradually, a little at a time, until only the head of his cock was inside. Then he eased back in.

Rodney kept touching him, stroking the back of John's neck in time with his thrusts, until he took John's hand in his own and guided it to his cock. John stroked a little faster and a little harder, responding to the look on Rodney's face, the movements of his body, the sounds. Rodney still made the best sounds, his groans and gasps twisting inside John, making Rodney's pleasure John's too.

When Rodney came John stopped thrusting. He stayed still inside Rodney and just watched, watched Rodney's eyes slide shut and his body shake, watched his cock spurt in John's hand, smattering both their chests with fluid.

It wasn't until Rodney had finished that John began moving again, seeking his own release, closing his eyes only to open them again when he started to come.

Rodney drew him down, and the change in position pulled John's cock from him. Rodney didn't object, he simply wrapped his arms around John and held on.

John let him.


"You have to move," Rodney said, poking him in the side.

John had started to doze and the poke annoyed him. "Why?"

"Because my extremities are falling asleep."

"Sleep's good," John muttered, tucking his face more tightly into the space between Rodney's neck and shoulder.

Rodney poked him again. "Off."

Reluctantly, John rolled to the side, giving up his mattress. He turned onto his back and they were lying side by side, staring up at Rodney's ceiling.

"I can't believe how little you've changed," Rodney said, brushing the back of John's hand with his own.

"Mmm," John answered. He almost couldn't remember the young man who'd walked into that bar, looking to get laid.

"You're a bit hairier, and you've got a few wrinkles, and better hair, but you look almost exactly like you did fifteen years ago. Less virginal, maybe."

Considering they'd just had really good sex, John decided to let the virginal remark go. "You filled out, grew into your cock."

"My cock?" Rodney asked.

"Your cock. You were this slender guy with a nice, thick cock. I figured you'd probably broaden out until the rest of you matched your cock."

"People do not grow into their cocks. They grow into their feet."

"Well, obviously women don't. I wonder if they grow into their vaginas. It'd be kind of hard to tell, I know. Maybe their breasts…"

Raising himself up onto an elbow, Rodney looked down at him, his expression pulling an unexpected laugh from John. "You're weirder than I remember."

"I was on my best behaviour back then."

"Me, too." Rodney rested a hand on John's stomach. "What happens next?" he asked, his expression turning serious.

Something in John's chest grew tight. "What do you want to happen?"

"Hmmm, let me think. I could go back to being frustratingly celibate, or I could keep having really good sex with a hot pilot." Rodney touched John's cheek. "What do you want?"

"My choice is a little different. I could be celibate or I could have sex with a cute physicist."

Rodney rubbed John's lower lip with his thumb, and the look in his eyes made John want to kiss him just so he wouldn't have to see it. He didn't know how to handle being looked at like that. "I'd choose the sex if I were you," Rodney said.

"I was thinking the same thing."

"How does this whole 'don’t ask, don't tell' thing work?" Rodney asked, still looking at John in that focused way, kind of like he looked at his food, only more so. It was comforting and unsettling at the same time.

"Blow jobs, anal sex, all the fun stuff is still against regs. Don't ask, don't tell basically just stopped the military from looking for gays. If they find us, they can still kick us out. They just can't go looking."

"No witch hunts," Rodney said.

John nodded. "For a lot of the enlisted guys it isn't a problem. They just keep a low profile and no one says anything."

"And the officers?"

"Depends. There's a lot of politics in the military. It's all interpersonal, who gets stationed where, who gets promoted. CO likes you, he might choose not to notice certain things. CO doesn't like you…" John didn't add that COs generally didn't like him.

"I hear we're getting a Marine to head up the military on Atlantis," Rodney said.

"I heard that too." John resisted the urge to pull Rodney down and nuzzle him. "We'll just have to be careful, that's all."

"Careful," Rodney said musingly, "I can be careful."

The tightness in John's chest started to loosen, getting looser when Rodney leaned down to kiss him. John gave in to the kiss, sliding his arms around Rodney's shoulders and pulling Rodney down on top of him. He slid one hand down Rodney's back to cup his ass, just so he could feel it. Rodney still had a great ass.

"So," he said when Rodney drew back. "Do you think we'll find any spaceships?"

"We could. With everything the Ancients built, it wouldn't surprise me."

"That would be cool."

"You want to have sex in a spaceship, don’t you?"

"So do you."

Rodney tilted his head to the side, clearly trying to think of a plausible way to say 'no.' "Maybe."

"Maybe," John repeated, filing the information away for later.

"Depends on how much room there is," Rodney said, settling against him.

John wrapped an arm his shoulders. "Would you blow me while I was flying it?"

"Maybe. If you asked nicely." Rodney shifted his head from the pillow to John's shoulder.

Closing his eyes and focusing on the pleasant weight of Rodney against him, John said, "I'll say 'please.'"

"Yes, you will," Rodney answered.

John chuckled and tightened his hold. In less than two days he was going to be in another galaxy, with Rodney. They were going to be intergalactic explorers, together.

He could leave Antarctica for that.