Under the Influence

"Good morning, Elizabeth," Rodney said cheerfully, getting into line behind her.

Elizabeth turned to face him. "Good morning, Rodney." He was smiling happily. "You're awfully chipper this morning."

"Good night's sleep," he answered, still smiling. "How about you? Did you sleep well?"

"Well enough." She took a step to the left, moving with the line. The dish in front of the cook was filled with a slender green vegetable, and Elizabeth began preparing for the onslaught. She knew how Rodney felt about vegetables for breakfast and this vegetable in particular. It seemed especially unfair that she was going to be subjected to one of Rodney's rants before she'd had her first cup of coffee, with enough coffee they were sometimes funny.

Rodney, however, simply accepted his plate with a smile and a thank you.

Elizabeth stared until Rodney nudged her, encouraging her to continue moving through the line.

"Is something wrong?" Rodney asked as she moved toward the coffee.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

Rodney frowned, "Why would anything be wrong?"

Elizabeth glanced at him. He was genuinely surprised by her question. "No reason."

Rodney reached the coffee just ahead of her. "Caffeinated?" he asked, holding up the carafe. Elizabeth nodded and he poured her a cup. Then he poured one for himself. "I have some power usage reports to review, perhaps I'll see you at lunch."

"Perhaps."

Rodney smiled broadly. "Have a good morning, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth shook her head and carried her own breakfast to her office.

***

She didn't see Rodney at lunch, but she did see Carson and Radek. "May I join you?" Elizabeth asked standing next to their table.

"Of course," Carson answered with a small smile.

She sat beside him, smiling a greeting at Radek. "How did the physicals go this morning?" she asked, picking up her sandwich.

"Very well." Carson frowned. "Even Rodney was cooperative."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It is. It threw me off a bit, examining Rodney and not hearing a single complaint or sarcastic remark."

"He did seem to be in an awfully good mood at breakfast."

"He has been behaving oddly all day," Radek said. "I am beginning to worry."

Elizabeth put her sandwich down, focusing her attention on Radek. He was one of the most level-headed members of the expedition, and if he was concerned she needed to pay attention. "Worry? How odd is he being?"

"He laughed at one of Kavanaugh's jokes."

"That doesn't seem very odd," Elizabeth said.

"Have you ever heard Kavanaugh tell a joke?"

"Well, no," Elizabeth admitted.

"No one laughs at Kavanaugh's jokes."

Elizabeth glanced at Carson, who nodded. "They're that bad?" she asked.

"Worse," Carson replied.

"Still, Rodney could just be in a good mood. It happens to everyone once in a while."

"Yes, but when McKay is in good mood, he becomes more obnoxious, not less," Radek said.

Rodney did tend to become more Rodney-like when he was happy. The added confidence pushed his usual arrogance to barely tolerable levels and his humor went from smartly sarcastic to smart-assed brat. "Okay," she said carefully, "Has he done anything else unusual?"

Radek nodded. "He helped Miko with her equations."

"Isn't that part of his job?"

"McKay avoids Miko. She is infatuated with him, and he does not reciprocate her feelings."

"Hence the avoidance."

"Precisely."

Elizabeth considered that. "Maybe he's beginning to return her feelings," she suggested.

Radek coughed. "That is unlikely."

"Teyla mentioned during her physical that Rodney didn't complain once during his hand-to-hand training this morning," Carson said.

That was odd. Rodney's complaints about combat training were almost as legendary as his complaints about breakfast vegetables. "All right," Elizabeth said, thinking. "Has anyone else noticed anything odd?"

Radek and Carson exchanged glances. "Not that we know of," Carson said.

"Let's find out." Elizabeth pressed the button on her radio. "Major Sheppard, could you meet me in the conference room? Bring Teyla and Sergeant Bates, as well." Picking up her half-finished sandwich, Elizabeth stood. "Come along, gentlemen. You have a meeting to attend."

***

John, Teyla, and Sergeant Bates were waiting when they entered the conference room. "What's up?" John asked.

"Rodney," Radek answered. "He is behaving oddly."

John frowned. "He always behaves oddly."

"Take a seat," Elizabeth said, moving to her own chair. When everyone was seated, she leaned forward in her chair. "While talking over lunch, Dr. Zelenka, Dr. Beckett, and I realized that we had all observed certain oddities in Dr. McKay's behavior."

"What kind of oddities?" John asked.

"He is being nice," Radek answered.

John's expression turned incredulous. "Nice? You called a meeting because Rodney is being nice?"

"He was unusually cooperative during his training this morning," Teyla said.

"And during his physical," Carson added.

"Maybe he is just in a good mood."

"That was my response, too," Elizabeth said, "but as Dr. Zelenka pointed out when Rodney is happy he is generally more difficult, not less."

"I can't believe we're having a meeting to discuss Rodney being nice," John said, settling into his casually defiant pose.

"He laughed at one of Kavanaugh's jokes," Radek said.

John frowned. "Really laughed or made that 'ha, ha very funny' laugh?"

"Really laughed."

John's frown deepened.

"Is there any chance that Dr. McKay has fallen under an alien influence?" Sergeant Bates asked.

"No," John answered.

"We have to consider it," Elizabeth said.

"You think that McKay is being influenced by aliens because he isn't complaining and he laughed at a joke." John crossed his arms in front of his chest, his expression making his opinion clear.

"I understand how you feel, but Rodney is behaving uncharacteristically. We have to consider the possibility." John glared at her, but he didn't say anything further. "What about your last mission? Was he alone with the Buaithins?"

"No, we stayed together."

Elizabeth glanced at Teyla, who nodded in agreement. "Dr. McKay was not alone at any point during the mission."

"Not even to go to the bathroom?" Bates asked.

"No, we're like girls that way," John said

Elizabeth glared at him.

"What about his medical exam? Carson?" John asked.

"His exam was normal, but not all of the test results are in yet. Of course there is always the possibility that it's something we can't detect."

"I'd like you to make Dr. McKay's results your priority," Elizabeth said and Carson nodded. "Major, I want you and Teyla to review the mission reports from your last five missions, as well as everything we know about the Buaithins. Sergeant, I want you to see if you can trace Dr. McKay's movements for the last 48 hours. If we need to, we'll go back further. Dr. Zelenka, will you assist Sergeant Bates?" Radek nodded as well, and Elizabeth looked around the table. "Any questions?"

No one said anything.

"Good. Let's get to work." Everyone stood to leave, but Major Sheppard lingered. "Major?"

"I think I may know why Rodney is being so nice," he said quietly.

Carson was almost out the door and Elizabeth called him back. When the door slid shut she said to John, "What is it, Major?"

"Rodney was with me last night." John was looking at the top of the table.

"And did something unusual happen?" Elizabeth prompted when he seemed disinclined to say more.

"Not unusual, exactly."

"Well, then, what exactly?" Elizabeth glanced at Carson, who shrugged. "Major, if you have information--"

"We had sex." John spoke so rapidly and quietly that Elizabeth wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

"Did you just say that you and Rodney had sex last night?"

John nodded.

"Are you suggesting that the change in Rodney's behavior was caused by the two of you…?" She let her voice trail off, trying not to sound either amused or incredulous. It wasn't easy.

"It's the only thing that's changed." John sounded embarrassed, but he looked smug. Very smug. It was the hair.

"Please," Carson said, "not even your penis is that special, Major."

"I didn't say it was special, just kind of…" His voice trailed off.

"Kind of?" Elizabeth prompted.

"Hypnotic."

"You think you hypnotized Rodney with your penis." Elizabeth knew she sounded both amused and incredulous.

"I didn't mean to."

Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest. A John Sheppard who had crossed the line was something she knew how to deal with. "You didn't."

"He was staring at it, and I kind of suggested that he could be nicer, and now he's nicer."

Elizabeth bit her lower lip and looked at Carson.

"Moving it back and forth were you?" Carson asked.

"Well, no, it was stationary," John said, his cheeks turning a becoming shade of pink, at least if you were Molly Ringwald, "more or less, but he was looking at it sort of intently. You know how Rodney can get."

"And while he was intently looking you suggested he could be nicer?" Elizabeth asked.

"I meant nicer to me."

"Then what happened?" John squirmed and Elizabeth had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Sometimes she really enjoyed her job.

"Rodney was, um, nicer." The pink tinge on John's cheeks became a full-fledged blush.

"I see. Since you caused this problem, you're going to have to fix it."

"How?"

There were times when Elizabeth wondered how John had ever passed the Mensa test. "Have sex with him again, and this time, when he's looking at your penis, suggest he try being bitchier."

John nodded, his head bobbing slightly.

"That will be all, Major."

"Yes, ma'am." With a quick glance at Carson he left.

Carson took one look at her, obviously fighting back laughter, and then followed. When the door slid shut Elizabeth dropped into her chair, rested her head on her desk, and laughed until her sides ached.

***

"Vegetables," Rodney was saying when Elizabeth approached the table where he and John were eating, "for breakfast. They aren't even fresh vegetables. They're yesterday's leftovers."

John didn't answer; he simply speared one of Rodney's vegetables with his fork and pushed the entire thing into his mouth at once.

Rodney pulled his tray out of John's reach. "Eat your own breakfast."

"Yours tastes better," John said with a grin.

"It does not. It tastes exactly like yours."

"How do you know? You haven't eaten mine."

"Good morning, gentlemen," Elizabeth said, sitting across from them.

"Good morning," Rodney grumbled. "They're serving vegetables for breakfast again."

"I noticed," she said, hiding a smile.

"Can't you make them stop?"

She could, but what would be the fun in that. "I'm afraid not. Supplies are limited. You know that."

Rodney grunted and stabbed one of John's vegetables with his fork.

Elizabeth hid her grin behind her coffee.