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Laughter, Fantasies and Darkness


Title: Laugter, Fantasies and Darkness

Author: chelle

Author's email:

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Fandom: Atlantis

Archive: Ask first

Pairing: John/Rodney

Rating: R

Notes: Contains a small reference to "Missing," but if you blink you'll miss it. Thank you to Grrrl for reading this over.

"What's your kinkiest fantasy?"


"Your kinkiest fantasy. Come on, share."

"Rodney," John said, closing his eyes, not that it made much difference since they were already in the dark.

"I'll tell you mine."

"Let me guess. Three women, all with long legs and short blond hair, one of them is riding you while the other straddles your face, and the third one licks your balls."

"Wrong," Rodney said. "There are only two, and I'm tied up."


"You know mine, now tell me yours. How did you know mine, anyway?"

John sighed and wondered if getting on the radio and harassing Zelenka would get them out of this any sooner. Whenever John asked how long until they got the power on again, Zelenka always said, "Soon. Soon." Until the power was restored to the tower, John was stuck in a small room with a door that wouldn't open and Rodney. "We could play the Batman villain game," he suggested.

"Boring," Rodney said, and John heard him moving, could've sworn Rodney had shifted closer to where John was sitting on the floor. "So if you won't tell me your kinkiest fantasy, tell me something else, like who on Atlantis would you most like to have sex with."

"Gang bang," John said, because it was the easier question to answer, and because now that Rodney had gotten the idea in his head, he'd never let it go until John answered.

"What?" Rodney sounded a little strangled and John smiled to himself.

"Kinkiest fantasy."

"You want to gang bang some woman?"

"No. I don't want to do it. I just fantasize about it, and there aren't..." John stopped, his stomach coiling at the thought of finishing the sentence.

"There aren't what?"

"Women," John said, his entire body tensing. "There aren't women in the fantasy."

"Oh," Rodney said, following it with, "Huh. I never knew you were into guys."

"Not exactly something I can broadcast."

"So you're bi?"

"Yes, Rodney, I'm bi, although I like guys a little better."

"You're what, a Kinsey 5?"

"Do you have to quantify everything?"

"What's wrong with quantifying things?"

John sighed. When Rodney didn't say anything, John decided it was his turn to ask questions. "Are you happy with Katie?"

"I don't know. I like her. She's pretty and she's sweet. I've never dated anyone sweet before. It's unsettling."

"I can imagine," John said, and he could.

"I feel like I have to watch everything I say, even though she's pretty good about forgiving me when I say something stupid, I just..."

"Can't be yourself?" John suggested.

"Sort of. She knows I'm not the nicest person in the world, but she still likes me."

"Rodney, lots of people like you."

Rodney snorted.

John decided it was time to change the subject. "I want someone I can laugh with," he said, resting his head against the wall behind him. The cold from the floor was starting to seep into his ass. John ignored it.

"With your laugh, they'd have to love you."


Rodney chuckled and John grinned. "I want passion, the kind where you can't keep your hands off each other," Rodney said. "I haven't had that in a really long time."

"Yeah," John said wistfully. He wanted that, too. That Rodney didn't have that with Katie was kind of sad.

"What's sex with a guy like?"

John should've known Rodney would ask, because asking questions was what Rodney did. "I don't know. Masculine?"

"Masculine, really?"

"Well, there's two penises and they're kind of masculine."

"Mmmm ," Rodney said, as though John's explanation made perfect sense. "Have you ever blown someone?"

"You want to know what it's like, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"It's easier than going down on a woman. You don't have to try and figure out where everything is, it's right there. And there isn't that whole direct stimulation, indirect stimulation problem. You just suck it."

"So you don't have any special trick with your tongue or deep throating or something?" Even in the dark, John could see Rodney's hands moving as he spoke.

"Not really. There's stuff you can do with your tongue, but in the end what'll get the guy off is the suction and the motion." John shifted his hips, telling himself it was because of the cold floor and not because discussing blowjobs with Rodney was having any effect on him.

"So a blowjob from a man isn't any different than a blowjob from a woman?"

"Depends on the man," John said, his tone a little defensive.

"What about anal intercourse? Have you done that?"

He shouldn't answer. His sex life was none of Rodney's business. "Not in a long time."

"Did you like it?"


"So how come you haven't done it in a long time?"

"It's not something I want to do with just a casual pick-up, and with my job relationships are kind of out, so..."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said, and he was. John could hear it in his voice. "Wait a minute. I thought you had a gang bang fantasy."

"It's a fantasy, Rodney, not something I really want to do. That's the whole point of fantasies. Haven't you ever fantasized about something you'd never do?"

There was a long pause before Rodney said, "Sort of." His voice was oddly quiet.

"Sort of?" John asked with a slight sharpness in his tone that probably gave away how much he wanted to hear the answer.

"I... I've had these thoughts... not so much thoughts as moments--" The lights came on and Rodney fell silent as they both blinked against the sudden brightness. Then Rodney was rising to his feet, hand going to his radio. "Radek , it's about damn time."

Not bothering to listen to Zelenka's answer, John climbed slowly to his feet.


Two days later John was still trying not to think about the tone of Rodney's voice or the things he might've said if the lights hadn't come on. About being alone with Rodney and telling him stuff he'd never told anyone, and never thought he would.

When the knock came on his door, he knew it was Rodney. He tossed his book aside and opened it anyway.

Rodney didn't say a word, just stepped inside and stood there, wringing his hands.

"Rodney?" When Rodney looked up at him, John looked pointedly at Rodney's hands.

"Right," Rodney said, lowering them to his sides. With his hands stilled, he apparently need to move something else because he walked past the foot of John's bed almost to the wall and then came back.

John waited, trying to stop himself from imagining what Rodney was going to say.

"I broke up with Katie."

Oh. John told himself not to read too much into that. It didn't mean anything.

Rodney turned around again, walked away, came back. "I can't be myself with her, and I don't think that's going to change. It's not really fair to her or to me."

John nodded, because that was what he did during these talks.

"There have been moments." Rodney was facing away again, and John had to force himself to stay still, not to follow. "Moments when I've felt attracted to someone else. I thought it was just adrenaline and friendship, but maybe, maybe I should find out, right?"

Rodney was facing him now, because there wasn't that much room in John's quarters to pace. John nodded.

"Right," Rodney said, and squared his shoulders.

Before John could nod again Rodney had closed the space between them and pressed his lips to John's. John went still for a second, maybe two, then he was sliding his arms around Rodney, holding him there, and returning Rodney's kiss with his own.

John was hard when they finally parted. So was Rodney. John could feel it. "Moments?" John whispered.

"A lot of them."

John grinned and Rodney smiled back, and John had to kiss him again. Rodney's lips were a little chapped, but they were pleasantly firm. Rodney's arms slid around his shoulders. Rodney had strong arms.

"So this is okay ?" Rodney whispered when John finally released his mouth. "You want this?"

"The gang bang fantasy, it was how I would stop myself from thinking about you."

"So you don't want a long line of anonymous men?"

"No." John shook his head. "I want you."

"Oh, god, that's hot," Rodney said.

John laughed.

Rodney simply smiled and kissed him again.