The Handsome Physicist, the Hot Pilot and the Evil Temptress

"Married," Rodney said for the fifth time. "What kind of married woman flirts like that?"

John could sympathize. He shrugged. "A beautiful one."

"Under me. She said she wanted to be under me," Rodney said, still walking toward his quarters.

John kept pace beside him. "I know. I was there."

"And she flirted with you, too." Rodney shot him an annoyed look. "Although you flirted first."

John was about to deny it, but Rodney's glare stopped him. One of the unfortunate things about being one of the few people Rodney actually paid attention to was that John couldn't really bs Rodney, not the way he could other people. Luckily for him, their arrival at Rodney's quarters spared him from having to answer.

The door slid open and John gestured for Rodney to enter first.

Rodney dropped onto his back on the bed, his feet on the floor. "I should accept the fact that I am not going to get laid in this galaxy. It just isn't going to happen."

Looking down at him, John forced his gaze up to Rodney's face. "You never know."

Rodney snorted. It was an unattractive sound.

"Maybe if you broadened your horizons, considered someone who wasn't blonde."

"Katie wasn't blonde and look how that turned out."

John sat on the end of bed, angled so he could still see Rodney. "Yeah, but she was a redhead and that's close to blonde."

Rodney lifted his head, looking at John. "So I should what? Try brunettes?"

"Couldn't hurt."

"Your theory would carry more weight if I wasn't pretty much willing to notice anyone who notices me."

"Not quite anyone," John muttered.

Rodney frowned. "What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"It wasn't nothing. You said something." Rodney sat up, leaving them uncomfortably close together.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Now, spill." Rodney looked directly at him from mere inches away. "You owe me."

John shifted slightly, but he didn't look away. "For what?"

"One, I saved your ass, and two, I let you name the ship."

"You did not <i>let</i> me name the ship."

"I notice you aren't disputing the ass-saving."

"You did good," John conceded.

"Which I would have even without the goading."

"You work best when goaded," John answered, seizing on the change in subject.

"And you are trying to avoid telling me what you said."

"I don’t remember."

"Uh-huh," Rodney said, eyes narrowing. After a moment he lay back on the bed again, hands folded over his stomach, apparently having decided to let it go. "Broaden my horizons, huh?"

John lay next to him, their arms touching from shoulder to elbow. "Sure."

"You do realize that my standards now are pretty much human and breathing?" Rodney asked, turning his head in John's direction.

Telling himself not to make too much of the fact that Rodney had said human instead of female, John said mildly, "Teyla's human."

"Like I stand a chance with Teyla."

"You stand a better chance than I do. She seems to think she's too grown-up for me."

"Which would be true."

John ignored that. "Miko's human, and she likes you."

"She does?" Rodney sounded genuinely surprised. John knew him well enough not to be surprised by that.

"Yes."

"How do you know that?"

"It's obvious."

After a moment's silence, Rodney said, "That's why she's always being so helpful. I thought it was some Japanese thing."

"Breathing and human," John said, nudging Rodney with his elbow.

"Yeah, but the constant helping would make me nuts."

Taking a deep breath but keeping his tone casual, John stepped off the cliff. "Zelenka's human."

"He's Czech."

Turning his head just enough so he could see Rodney's face, John said, "You don't like Czechs?"

Rodney looked back at him. "Have you ever been around Zelenka when he's excited about something? He speaks Czech. I'd spend the entire time convinced he was critiquing my performance."

John nodded. "He'd do that."

"Yes, he would."

"I wouldn't."

"Speak Czech? Why would you?"

"Critique your performance."

Rodney's breath hitched audibly. He lifted one hand and moved it in a small circle. "Could you repeat that? Because it sounded like you just said you wouldn't critique my performance."

"I did."

"But you critique my performance all the time," Rodney said after a long moment.

"That's in the field."

"In the field," Rodney repeated. "So you wouldn't critique my performance out of the field?"

"Nope."

"Huh."

"Huh? That's all you have to say? In case you didn't notice, I just propositioned you."

"I noticed. I'm not that oblivious," Rodney said, adding, when John rolled his eyes, "I'm not."

"So," John prompted when Rodney fell silent.

"I'm thinking."

"What's to think about? I’m breathing, human, and, also <i>lying on your bed</i>."

"I am aware of that, thank you."

Drawing in a long, slow breath, John counted to ten.

"This is kind of sudden, don't you think?" Rodney said, not looking at him.

"I thought you only liked one type of human."

"Blondes?"

"Women."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don’t know, let me think. Maybe because you talk about women all the time."

"You sleep with them."

John knew he should have a comeback for that, but he was stumped. After a moment's thought he answered, "Which doesn't mean I don't sleep with men."

"I didn't say it did."

"Because I do," John insisted, his eyes on Rodney's ceiling.

"I got that."

This was beginning to feel uncomfortably close to rejection. John sighed and considered leaving.

"So what do you do?" Rodney asked, still not looking at John.

"What?"

"When you sleep with men, what do you do?"

"Um, have sex."

"Obviously. What kind of sex do you have?"

"Good sex."

"All the time? It's never mediocre or just okay? What am I saying? Of course it isn't. All sex is good in Sheppard's world."

"Yes, it is. And you could experience it."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, a chance to bed your ego, it's just what I've been waiting for."

"My ego? My ego?" John rolled onto his side facing Rodney. "That's rich coming from you."

Rodney looked directly at him for a moment before shifting his gaze to the space over John's shoulder. "I suppose it is."

While they could have sex with Rodney not looking at him, John didn't think they could have good sex that way. With a regretful sigh, he sat up. "I should probably go."

Rodney's grabbed his elbow. "But I haven't answered you yet."

Looking back at him, John waited. "Well?"

"Yes."

It sounded like more of a question than an answer, but John was willing to go with it. Lying on his side next to Rodney, he rested a hand on Rodney's stomach. "Cool." He smiled.

When Rodney smiled nervously back, John kissed him. It was a short kiss, mainly because Rodney went perfectly still. Pulling back, John frowned at him. "You're supposed to kiss back."

"I know that."

John wasn’t convinced Rodney did know that. "So if I kiss you again…"

"I'll kiss you back," Rodney said, finishing his sentence. "Can we just get on with it?"

This time Rodney kissed him back, tentatively. It was kind of sweet. "See that was better," John said.

"Yes, yes. Are we going to discuss every kiss?"

John kissed him again. This kiss was even better. Rodney's thin lips were surprisingly full to the touch and unsurprisingly mobile. "Yes, we are," John said when the kiss ended.

"Why?"

Pressing his lips to the side of Rodney's neck, John sucked lightly before saying, "Because it annoys you."

"And you live to annoy me." Rodney sounded mildly annoyed as he said it, but he tilted his head so John could kiss his neck again.

"Only until you give me something better to do to you."

"How do you get away with lines like that? Seriously. Normal men just sound stupid when they say things like that."

Mildly put out that Rodney didn't seem to be responding to the attention John was giving to his neck, John sucked a little harder. "But I don't."

"No, you do. It's just that it works for you."

"As long as it works." John shifted his attention upward, sucking lightly on the bottom of Rodney's ear lobe.

"Oh, oh, that's good."

"Ear thing, huh?" John whispered. Not waiting for Rodney to answer, he dipped his tongue just inside Rodney's ear.

"Yes," Rodney gasped.

"Are we going to talk about everything I do to you?" John's voice was barely audible, and his lips were hovering over Rodney's ear.

"Depends," Rodney answered, his voice a little rough.

"On what?"

"What you do."

"Ah, well." John didn't bother finishing his thought, kissing Rodney instead. Rodney kissed him back this time. Really kissed him back, with tongue and lips, and Rodney was a far better kisser than John had thought he'd be. "That was good."

"Why'd you stop?" Rodney's lower lip was actually protruding slightly.

"To annoy you," John said, smiling and kissing him again. Rodney's arms wrapped around him, keeping him close as the kiss deepened. Groaning, John rubbed his cock against Rodney's hip.

"You never answered my question about what you do with men," Rodney said drawing back slightly.

John nibbled on Rodney's lower lip. "I do lots of stuff."

"Such as?"

Lifting himself up so he was leaning over Rodney, John looked closely at him. Rodney's eyes were wide, but they were almost always wide. He looked closer, trying to decide if they were wider than usual. "What do you do?"

Rodney's gaze shifted. "Stuff."

John's suspicions began to sharpen. "Like?"

"Mutual masturbation."

"Hand jobs," John said.

"Yes, mutual masturbation, that's what I said."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what else?" John was tempted to slap him upside the head, but decided that wouldn't go over well under the circumstances.

"That's it."

"Really?"

"No, I've actually been fucked in every position in The Gay Kama Sutra."

"There's a gay kama sutra?" John asked just so Rodney would roll his eyes.

Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, there's a gay kama sutra."

"And you read it."

"I might have."

"But you haven't actually done any of the things in it."

"I've done mutual mas--"

John cut him off. "Except handjobs."

With a tilt of his head, Rodney lifted his chin to a 120 degree angle. "I like handjobs."

"Mutual masturbation," John said, because it would have taken more strength than he possessed not to say it.

Rodney glared at him.

"I like it, too," John said, smiling his best seductive smile. "We can do that, if you want."

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine. I agreed with you."

He had, technically, but John wasn't convinced Rodney had really agreed with him. "You didn't sound like you agreed."

"Well, I did."

Testy and impatient, only Rodney could be testy and impatient during sex. "Fine," John said.

"Fine."

John kissed him, hoping to get the mood back, and was gratified when Rodney kissed him back, moaning softly into John's mouth. That was more like it. John shifted closer, pressing his body to Rodney's and deepening the kiss. Rodney opened to him, and John discovered that Rodney's playful side included kissing.

John slid one hand down Rodney's chest and then slipped it under his shirt, feeling warm skin, soft hair, and tight nipples.

Rodney began touching too, stroking John's side with his hand. It felt good, but John wanted to feel Rodney's hand on bare skin. "We should get undressed," he whispered.

"You want to do this naked?"

John drew back, gazing down at Rodney who was definitely more wide-eyed than usual. "You have had sex naked, right?"

"Of course I've had sex naked."

"Okay then." Sitting up, John pulled his shirt over his head. Then he stood to unhook his belt and thigh holster. He was taking off his socks when he realized that Rodney hadn't moved. "Rodney, aren't you going to undress?"

"I'm just, um…"

"Watching," John said.

"Right, watching."

John finished undoing his pants, but didn't remove them. He crawled onto the bed, until he was straddling Rodney on his hands and knees. "There's nothing wrong with watching."

John's dogtags were swinging between them and Rodney took hold of them. "Can you take these off?"

"Sure." Slipping the tags over his head, John stretched over to drop them onto Rodney's bedside stand.

Rodney placed his hands on John's hips and tugged slightly on his pants. "These, too."

John kissed him. "Alright, but that's going to mean one of us is overdressed."