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The Handsome Physicist, the Hot Pilot and the Evil Temptress


Title: The Handsome Physicist, the Hot Pilot and the Evil Temptress

Author: chelle

Author's email:

Author's URL:

Fandom: Atlantis

Archive: Ask first

Pairing: John/Rodney

Rating: NC 17

AN: Set post-Inferno. I pulled this out and finished it for Grrrl.

"Married," Rodney said for the fifth time. "What kind of married woman flirts like that?"

John could sympathize. He shrugged. "A beautiful one."

"Under me. She said she wanted to be under me," Rodney said, still walking toward his quarters.

John kept pace beside him. "I know. I was there."

"And she flirted with you, too." Rodney shot him an annoyed look. "Although you flirted first."

John was about to deny it, but Rodney's glare stopped him. One of the unfortunate things about being one of the few people Rodney actually paid attention to was that John couldn't really b.s. Rodney, not the way he could other people. Luckily for him, their arrival at Rodney's quarters spared him from having to answer.

The door slid open and John gestured for Rodney to enter first, following him.

Rodney dropped onto his back on the bed, his feet on the floor. "I should accept the fact that I am not going to get laid in this galaxy. It just isn't going to happen."

Looking down at him, John forced his gaze up to Rodney's face. "You never know."

Rodney snorted. It was an unattractive sound.

"Maybe if you broadened your horizons, considered someone who wasn't blonde."

"Katie wasn't blonde and look how that turned out."

John sat on the end of bed, angled so he could still see Rodney. "Yeah, but she was a redhead and that's close to blonde."

Rodney lifted his head, looking at John. "So I should what? Try brunettes?"

"Couldn't hurt."

"Your theory would carry more weight if I wasn't pretty much willing to notice anyone who notices me."

"Not quite anyone," John muttered.

Rodney frowned. "What did you say?"


"It wasn't nothing. You said something." Rodney sat up, leaving them uncomfortably close together.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Now, spill." Rodney looked directly at him from mere inches away. "You owe me."

John shifted slightly, but he didn't look away. "For what?"

"One, I saved your ass, and two, I let you name the ship."

"You did not let me name the ship."

"I notice you aren't disputing the ass-saving."

"You did good," John conceded.

"Which I would have done even without the goading."

"You work best when goaded," John answered, seizing on the change in subject.

"And you are trying to avoid telling me what you said."

"I don't remember."

"Uh-huh," Rodney said, eyes narrowing. After a moment he lay back on the bed again, hands folded over his stomach, apparently having decided to let it go. "Broaden my horizons, huh?"

John lay next to him, their arms touching from shoulder to elbow. "Sure."

"You do realize that my standards now are pretty much human and breathing?" Rodney asked, turning his head in John's direction.

Telling himself not to make too much of the fact that Rodney had said human instead of female, John said mildly, "Teyla's human."

"Like I stand a chance with Teyla."

"You stand a better chance than I do. She seems to think she's too grown-up for me."

"Which would be true."

John ignored that. "Miko's human, and she likes you."

"She does?" Rodney sounded genuinely surprised. John knew him well enough not to be surprised by that.


"How do you know that?"

"It's obvious."

After a moment's silence, Rodney said, "That's why she's always being so helpful. I thought it was some Japanese thing."

"Breathing and human," John said, nudging Rodney with his elbow.

"Yeah, but the constant helping would make me nuts."

Taking a deep breath but keeping his tone casual, John stepped off the cliff. "Zelenka's human."

"He's Czech."

Turning his head just enough so he could see Rodney's face, John said, "You don't like Czechs?"

Rodney looked back at him. "Have you ever been around Zelenka when he's excited about something? He speaks Czech. I'd spend the entire time convinced he was critiquing my performance."

John nodded. "He'd do that."

"Yes, he would."

"I wouldn't."

"Speak Czech? Why would you?"

"Critique your performance."

Rodney's breath hitched audibly. He lifted one hand and moved it in a small circle. "Could you repeat that? Because it sounded like you just said you wouldn't critique my performance."

"I did."

"But you critique my performance all the time," Rodney said after a long moment.

"That's in the field."

"In the field," Rodney repeated. "So you wouldn't critique my performance out of the field?"



"Huh? That's all you have to say? In case you didn't notice, I just propositioned you."

"I noticed. I'm not that oblivious," Rodney said, adding when John rolled his eyes, "I'm not."


"I'm thinking."

"What's to think about? I'm breathing, human, and, also lying on your bed."

"I am aware of that, thank you."

Drawing in a long, slow breath, John counted to ten.

"This is kind of sudden, don't you think?" Rodney said, not looking at him.

"I thought you only liked one type of human."



"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know, let me think. Maybe because you talk about women all the time."

"You sleep with them."

John knew he should have a comeback for that, but he was stumped. After a moment's thought he answered, "Which doesn't mean I don't sleep with men."

"I didn't say it did."

"Because I do," John insisted, his eyes on Rodney's ceiling.

"I got that."

This was beginning to feel uncomfortably close to rejection. John sighed and considered leaving.

"So what do you do?" Rodney asked, still not looking at John.


"When you sleep with men, what do you do?"

"Um, have sex."

"Obviously. What kind of sex do you have?"

"Good sex."

"All the time? It's never mediocre or just okay? What am I saying? Of course it isn't. All sex is good in Sheppard's world."

"Yes, it is. And you could experience it."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, a chance to bed your ego, it's just what I've been waiting for."

"My ego? My ego?" John rolled onto his side facing Rodney. "That's rich coming from you."

Rodney looked directly at him for a moment before shifting his gaze to the space over John's shoulder. "I suppose it is."

While they could have sex with Rodney not looking at him, John didn't think they could have good sex that way. With a regretful sigh, he sat up. "I should probably go."

Grabbing John's elbow, Rodney said, "But I haven't answered you yet."

Looking back at him, John waited. "Well?"


It sounded like more of a question than an answer, but John was willing to go with it. Lying on his side next to Rodney, he rested a hand on Rodney's stomach, just above where Rodney's hands were. "Cool." He smiled, trying for inviting.

When Rodney smiled nervously back, John kissed him. It was a short kiss, mainly because Rodney went perfectly still. Pulling back, John frowned at him. "You're supposed to kiss back."

"I know that."

John wasn't convinced Rodney did know that. "So if I kiss you again…"

"I'll kiss you back," Rodney said, finishing his sentence. "Can we just get on with it?"

This time Rodney kissed him back, tentatively. It was kind of sweet. "See that was better," John said.

"Yes, yes. Are we going to discuss every kiss?"

John kissed him again. This kiss was even better. Rodney's thin lips were surprisingly full to the touch and unsurprisingly mobile. "Yes, we are," John said when the kiss ended.


Pressing his lips to the side of Rodney's neck, John sucked lightly before saying, "Because it annoys you."

"And you live to annoy me." Rodney sounded mildly annoyed as he said it, but he tilted his head so John could kiss his neck again.

"Only until you give me something better to do to you."

"How do you get away with lines like that? Seriously. Normal men just sound stupid when they say things like that."

Mildly put out that Rodney didn't seem to be responding to the attention John was giving to his neck, John sucked a little harder. "But I don't."

"No, you do. It's just that it works for you."

"As long as it works." John shifted his attention upward, sucking lightly on the bottom of Rodney's ear lobe.

"Oh, oh, that's good."

"Ear thing, huh?" John whispered. Not waiting for Rodney to answer, he dipped his tongue just inside Rodney's ear.

"Yes," Rodney gasped.

"Are we going to talk about everything I do to you?" John's voice was barely audible, and his lips were hovering over Rodney's ear.

"Depends," Rodney answered, his voice a little rough.

"On what?"

"What you do."

"Ah, well." John didn't bother finishing his thought, kissing Rodney instead. Rodney kissed him back this time. Really kissed him back, with tongue and lips, and Rodney was a far better kisser than John had thought he'd be. "That was good."

"Why'd you stop?" Rodney's lower lip was actually protruding slightly.

"To annoy you," John said, smiling and kissing him again. Rodney's arms wrapped around him, keeping him close as the kiss deepened. Groaning, John rubbed his cock against Rodney's hip.

"You never answered my question about what you do with men," Rodney said drawing back slightly.

John nibbled on Rodney's lower lip. "I do lots of stuff."

"Such as?"

Lifting himself up so he was leaning over Rodney, John looked closely at him. Rodney's eyes were wide, but they were almost always wide. He looked closer, trying to decide if they were wider than usual. "What do you do?"

Rodney's gaze shifted. "Stuff."

John began to get suspicious. "Like?"

"Mutual masturbation."

"Hand jobs," John said.

"Yes, mutual masturbation, that's what I said."


"And what?"

"And what else?" John was tempted to slap him upside the head, but decided that wouldn't go over well under the circumstances.

"That's it."


"No, I've actually been fucked in every position in The Gay Kama Sutra."

"There's a gay kama sutra?" John asked just so Rodney would roll his eyes.

Rodney sighed. "Yes, there's a gay kama sutra."

"And you read it."

"I might have."

"But you haven't actually done any of the things in it."

"I've done mutual mas--"

John cut him off. "Except hand jobs."

With a tilt of his head, Rodney lifted his chin to a 120 degree angle. "I like hand jobs."

"Mutual masturbation," John said, because it would have taken more strength than he possessed not to say it.

Rodney glared at him.

"I like it, too," John said, smiling his best seductive smile. "We can do that, if you want."

"I want," Rodney said. "Although I'd prefer if we did it sometime within the week."

"Tuesday good for you?"

Rising up, Rodney pressed John's shoulders back into the bed and straddled his hips. "Now, now is good for me," Rodney said, his hands going to work on John's fly. "Seriously, do you work at being annoying?"

"Yes?" John suggested, trying to look cute, because Rodney's fingers kept brushing his cock as Rodney undid John's buttons and the possibility of having Rodney's hand on his cock was making him almost painfully hard.

"This," Rodney said, holding John's boxers out of the way with one hand and wrapping the other around John's cock, "is how you give a hand job."

"Good to know." John's eyes slid shut as Rodney's hand slid up his length.

"Especially since you are supposed to be reciprocating. Mutual, remember?"

Sliding his hand up Rodney's arm from wrist to biceps, John opened his eyes. He could feel Rodney's muscles flex as he slowly jacked John. "I remember," he said with a smile.

"Good." Rodney smiled back at him, and John lifted himself up until they could kiss again.

It was a little sloppy, but John liked sloppy. "This whole thing might work better if we were naked."

"Naked?" Rodney's hand stopped moving.

John lay back on the bed and stroked Rodney's arm from the hand wrapped around his dick to his elbow. "I'm sure you've heard of it. It's where you take off your clothes, and I take off my clothes, or we take off each other's clothes. It makes the touching easier."

"Really? I hadn't thought of that." His tone was sarcastic, but he squeezed John's cock gently.

"I didn't think you had," John said with a smug smile.

Rodney let go of his cock and moved to the side. "Well, what are you waiting for? Take off your clothes."

Sitting up, John pulled his shirt over his head. Then he bent down to untie his shoes. Glancing up at Rodney, John said, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Clothes? Removing them?"

"I'm kind of busy at the moment," Rodney said, even though he was just sitting there.

"Doing what?"

"Watching you." One side of Rodney's mouth quirked up into an amazingly dirty grin that made John want to be watched.

"Oh." Tugging off his shoes, John stood and pushed his open pants to the floor. Then he rested his hands on his hips, the elastic from his boxers cutting across the middle of his erection and trapping his cock against his stomach. "Your turn."

But instead of taking off his shirt, Rodney reached out and put a hand on John's waist, using it to tug him closer. "So if we're naked, does that mean we're touching more than just dicks?" Rodney asked, looking up at him.

"You have to get naked first," John said refusing to be distracted.

Rodney stroked John's skin with his thumb, making no move to take off his clothes. Apparently, if John wanted Rodney naked he was going to have to do it himself. "You are far too easily side-tracked, you know that," he said, taking hold of Rodney's shirt and tugging it upward.

"It's hardly my fault that you are distracting," Rodney said through the shirt covering his face.

Dropping the shirt to the floor, John squatted down and began untying Rodney's shoes. "Next time you're undressing yourself and I'm sitting on the bed watching." He pulled Rodney's shoes from his feet and tugged off his socks. Catching sight of Rodney's toes, he paused for a moment. Rodney had cute toes, short and plump with neatly trimmed nails. He'd never been one for feet, but maybe… Shaking his head, John patted Rodney's calf. "Okay, stand."

Rodney stood, putting his erection at eye level. John considered standing, but what was the point. He was going to look eventually. While unbuttoning Rodney's pants, he may have brushed his fingers against Rodney's erection more than was strictly necessary. He tugged Rodney's pants to the floor. "There."

"So we're leaving our boxers on?"

John was pretty sure Rodney was trying to be annoying. He rested his forehead on Rodney's hip and tried not to think about the fact that Rodney's boxers had a purple floral pattern.

"Are we doing this or are you just going to take a nap?"

"Getting naked is supposed to make things more interesting not less," John said, not moving his head.

"I'm not the one napping."

Sighing, John stood. Rodney grinned and kissed him. It was an enthusiastic kiss, all happy tongue and playful sucking. John liked it enough that he kissed back, moving closer and slipping his arms around Rodney's waist, pressing their bodies together.

"You were right," Rodney said. "Naked is better."

"Told you so." John kissed him again, sliding a hand up Rodney's broad back, feeling soft skin and a surprising amount of muscle.

Rodney moved his fingers along the waistband of John's boxers, caressing the skin beneath. "Are you sure we can't get rid of these?"

"If you want 'em gone, then take 'em off."

Taking a half step back, Rodney took hold of John's boxers and pushed them to the floor, his own following. Rodney had a nice cock, a really nice cock. Broad and just out there, demanding that John notice it. John was noticing. He was really noticing. He closed his hand around it and stroked the full length.

Rodney sucked in a breath.

"This is what I'm supposed to do, right?" John asked with a grin.

"Yes, that's--" Rodney stopped talking when John stroked him again, turning his hand as he reached the head.

"I thought I should ask, since you're the one who read The Gay Kama Sutra."

"Yes, yes, that's exactly the right thing."

"The asking or the doing?"


Closing the space between them and sliding his free arm around Rodney's waist, John kissed the place just beneath Rodney's ear. Then he sucked gently on the lobe, making Rodney gasp. "Say it again, Rodney. Say my name."


He sucked again, a little harder, and Rodney leaned into him. It was a rush, having Rodney like this, naked and almost pliant. More of a rush than John had thought it would be. "Lay down."

Drawing back, Rodney smiled at him. It was the kind of smile that could make John forget all about Wraith hive ships. "Good idea."

John nodded, because it was a good idea, as was watching Rodney crawl onto the bed. Rodney's ass flexed as he moved and John licked absently at his upper lip. Maybe he'd be able to convince Rodney to try some of the other things in that kama sutra.

Rodney turned onto his side. "You going to join me?"

Moving onto the bed, John slid a hand up Rodney's side from his thigh to his ribs as he settled next to Rodney.

Rodney immediately placed a hand in the center of John's chest. "I can't decide if it's unfair that you're gorgeous naked and clothed, or if I should just enjoy it."

"Just enjoy it, like I'm enjoying you." John moved his hand from Rodney's side to his chest and brushed his thumb over Rodney's nipple. It was wonderfully firm, and John wanted to do more than touch it. Shifting, he touched it with the tip of his tongue, tasting, feeling it. Then he closed his mouth around it, sucking firmly. Rodney made a soft, pleased sound.

Releasing Rodney's nipple, John kissed his way along Rodney's side, nibbling at the soft skin, sucking and tasting. There was a small rise at Rodney's waist, and John kissed that too, rubbing it with his lips as he worked his way to Rodney's hip bone. Rodney's cock was right there, bumping against John's chest, thick and suckable.


John looked up.

"I can't touch you if you're way down there."

"What if I didn't want to jerk you off? What if I wanted to blow you, instead?"

"You… 've never, you know, given..."

In spite of the stuttering, John was pretty sure Rodney liked the idea, judging by the look of pure want on his face. "You wouldn't have to do me."

Rodney nodded several times. "Okay."

Kissing the top of Rodney's hip bone, John pushed him gently onto his back. Then he moved so he was kneeling between Rodney's legs. Rodney's cock was resting against his stomach, but when John ran a single finger down the back it lifted toward him, just a little. John did it again.

Leaning down, he kissed the base of Rodney's cock, pressing his nose into the top edge of Rodney's scrotum. Rodney smelled good, male and sexual; it was a smell John liked. He inhaled again before kissing his way up Rodney's cock to the head.

Smooth skin beneath his lips, beneath his tongue, the sound of a sharply drawn in breath, he loved doing this. Loved everything about cocks--their shape, their taste, their smell-- and Rodney had a nice thick one with a gently curving head. It had been made for sucking. John slid down, taking Rodney in as deeply as he could, then he drew slowly back, sucking the whole time.

"That's good," Rodney murmured. "That's so good."

John did it again, sucking firmly, tugging on Rodney's cock, making him feel it.

Rodney moaned in protest when John let him go, shifting his attention to Rodney's balls. He took one into his mouth and sucked lightly, loving the way it filled his mouth, vulnerable yet male. Releasing it, he mouthed the skin between them, capturing small bits of Rodney's scrotum with his lips and teasing them gently.

"Oh, wow."

John looked up. Rodney was looking down at him, eyes wide. His eyes on Rodney's, John licked the back of Rodney's cock from base to tip. Then he covered the head with his mouth and sucked again. Wrapping his hand around it, John began to stroke the shaft.

Rodney continued to stare at him, watching as John caressed him. His expression was a mixture of arousal and wonder, and seeing it made John suck harder, made him want to make it even better for Rodney.

"Wait, wait."

John reluctantly let go, lifting his face, and Rodney bent down, capturing his lips for a hot, desperate kiss that sent a wave of heat straight to John's cock. "Rodney," he said when Rodney at last broke away.

"I wanted to kiss you."

Licking quickly at his lower lip, John said, "I noticed." Then he kissed Rodney again, deep and probing, Rodney holding him in place by cupping the back of John's head in his hand.

Rodney lay back and John went with him, still kissing, trying to get closer. Rodney rolled them and John wrapped his arms around Rodney's shoulders, kissing him hungrily, loving the feel of Rodney's weight on him, pushing him into the mattress.

When Rodney moved to his neck, kissing and sucking, working his way downward, John arched. Rodney was moving across John's skin, caressing, teasing, making John forget all the things he'd wanted to do.

Giving into Rodney's urgency, he parted his legs, and Rodney settled between them. John moved his hips, rubbing himself against Rodney's bulk.

"Damn, John," Rodney gasped.

John rubbed again.

"I want to make you come," Rodney said his voice low. Resting his weight on one hand, Rodney reached between them with the other, wrapping it around John's cock.

John groaned.

With a pleased grin, Rodney began to stroke his hand moving steadily over John's cock. John stared--that was Rodney's hand, Rodney's big, square, surprisingly graceful hand, on him, pleasuring him. "Wait, wasn't this supposed to be mutual?" He was pretty sure they'd agreed to that.

"That was before you said you wanted to blow me." Rodney's voice was low.

"I do. I want to suck you." Rodney was still stroking, adding to John's pleasure with every slide of his hand. "Your cock was made for sucking, nice and thick and--" Rodney rubbed the head of John's cock with his thumb and John lifted his hips, clutching at Rodney's shoulders.

Rodney kissed him quick and dirty, tightening his grip and increasing the speed of his strokes.

John came, lifting his hips toward Rodney and clinging to his shoulders. He came hard, his entire body jerking with the first pulse, fluid landing on them both. The strength of it left him panting, staring up at Rodney who smiled smugly at him. "Guess there's something to be said for The Gay Kama Sutra."

"Told you so," Rodney said.

Sliding a hand from his shoulder to the back of Rodney's neck, John pulled him down and into a kiss. He'd intended a lazy kiss, but Rodney was too aroused for that and the kiss quickly deepened. Placing both hands on Rodney's hips, he tugged. "Come on, up."

After a moment's hesitation, Rodney shifted, straddling John's chest. Hands on the back of Rodney's thighs, John tugged some more until Rodney was close enough for him to lift his head and take the tip of Rodney's cock into his mouth.

"John." Rodney's voice was awed and aroused, barely above a whisper.

John sucked in answer, and Rodney leaned forward, resting his hands on the wall above the bed. Rodney's cock was pleasantly thick and John sucked on it happily, although his neck grew tired from moving him back and forth.

Resting his head on the pillow, he pushed and pulled on Rodney's hips until Rodney took the hint and began moving his hips, working his cock in and out of John's mouth. Rodney was gazing down at him, awe and lust on his face. John thought maybe he saw some tenderness there, too.

He curled his tongue, rubbing the underside of Rodney's cock as he moved.

"John, you… I'm… John." Rodney came, filling John's mouth with salty fluid. John swallowed and Rodney groaned, still moving back and forth, even as he released spurt after spurt.

Resting his forehead against the wall, Rodney muttered, "Damn."

John let go of Rodney's softening cock. "Bet you Norina isn't as good at that as I am."

Fingers brushing John's cheek, Rodney smiled contentedly. "I don't see how she could be."

John patted Rodney's ass. It was pleasantly full beneath his hand, and John wanted to feel more of it. "Lay down. It's time for the post-coital sleeping."

It took some maneuvering, but in the end they were lying side by side on Rodney's bed, John on his back, Rodney on his side.

"We're messy," Rodney said.

Running his hand through the come on his chest, John said, "Yup."

"Which you clearly like."

"Messy is good." John traced Rodney's lower lip with a finger, leaving traces of his fluid behind.

Rodney licked his lower lip, and John kissed him, a nice, unhurried kiss.

"I thought we were going to sleep."

"I think I may need a bed time story," John answered, trying not to grin.

"A bedtime story," Rodney repeated. "What kind of bedtime story?"

"Maybe something from The Gay Kama Sutra."

Rodney kissed him, resting one hand on John's stomach. "Once upon a time there was a brilliant physicist who went to live in a mythical city…"

"This story better have a lot of sex."

"Didn't I mention that he was a brilliant handsome physicist, with a friend who was a pilot?"

"Was the pilot hot?"


"And did they have hot sex?"

"Very hot sex. Scorchingly hot sex."

"A lot?"

"All the time."

"Okay, then," John said. "Go on."

"Well, one day the two friends met a blonde temptress…"

"Was she evil?"

"I'll never finish the story if you interrupt every single sentence."


"The physicist thought the blonde temptress was very attractive."

"She is a temptress."

"Maybe we should skip the story and just have sex again."

John thought about that for a whole thirty seconds. "Yeah, okay."

Rodney rolled on top of him. "Are you always this easy?"

"Pretty much," John answered, cupping Rodney's ass. "You're the hard one."


"Yes, you. I've been flirting with you for months."

"You have not."

"Yes, I have."

"Well then you haven't been doing a very good job," Rodney said, glaring at John as if to say 'and if you'd done a better job we could've been having sex months ago.'

"It's not my fault, you're oblivious." Rodney looked as though he was about to protest, and John added, "You didn't even realize Miko had a crush on you."

"Fine. You're a skilled flirt, and I'm oblivious. Can we have sex now?"

John squeezed Rodney's ass. "Might as well, since we're naked and in bed."

"Good, now stop talking," Rodney said and kissed him.

"Talking during sex can be fun," John replied as soon as the kiss ended.

"You're trying to get me to put my cock in your mouth again, aren't you?"

John grinned, "Maybe." Rodney's expression turned knowing and pleased. "Or maybe I want you to put it somewhere else."

Lust and surprise replaced the pleased look. "I can do that. I can put it wherever you want me to. Just point me in the right direction. I'm your man, up for just about anything."

"I can feel that."

"Right, so um…"

"Relax, Rodney. We've got time."

"Not that much. Hive ships, remember?"

"I remember." John stroked the back of Rodney's neck with his hand. "But we have time for this."

Something in Rodney's expression shifted, and John felt his body relax a little, sinking into John's. "Have you really wanted me for months?"

"A lot of months."

"I really am an idiot."

John shook his head. "Nah, you just don't notice certain things." Resting his hand on the side of Rodney's neck, John stroked Rodney's cheek with his thumb.

"Now that I know maybe we should make up a set of hand signals."

"For arranging our assignations?"

"There's something really dirty about that word. Assignations."

"There is, isn't there?"

"We should have lots of them."

"Lots and lots," John agreed.

Rodney's answer was lost in their kiss.