Five Ways Samantha Carter Had Sex With John and Rodney

1. Aliens Make Them Do It

Rodney knew that bringing Carter on a mission had been a bad idea. Sure she was gorgeous, but she attracted Trouble. She attracted more trouble than half a dozen Sheppard's put together. It was an SG-1 thing.

He knew because he'd done the calculations.

And now the aliens were saying things like "sacrifice" and pointing at an altar. There was no way this could end well.

Later, when his cock is in Sam's mouth and he's watching John come, he decides that he may have to do run those equations again. Clearly, he didn't have all the relevant information.

2. Bribery

She can't believe that they actually think they're fooling people. Sheppard spends more time in the lab than she does, and Rodney's whole face lights up every time Sheppard walks in.

Subtle, they aren't.

She's pretty sure they haven't been together for long, not with Rodney walking around looking like a guy who has just discovered sex. He's probably fun in bed, all enthusiasm and gratitude. Sheppard, he'd be more casual about it, at least on the surface, but she bets he's constantly planning and plotting what to do next, intent on pleasing and surprising his partner.

Or partners.

She's been celibate for too long. The thought of them naked together is making her squirm.

Watching John lean over Rodney's shoulder to peer at his laptop screen, she wonders how far they'd go to keep their secret.

It's the sort of thing Vala would do. But Sam hasn't been a good girl for a long time, and she won't force, just suggest.

Suggestively.

When Sheppard turns up at the lab that night, she's still there.

Rodney, predictably, loves the idea, once she manages to convince him she's serious.

Sheppard goes along, but when he looks at her the next morning the warmth is gone from his eyes.

3. John caught them

John knocks, but he doesn't wait for Rodney's answer before entering.

Rodney's name dies on his lips.

Because Rodney's pants are around his thighs, exposing his ass. The parts that aren't covered by Carter's calves. Which are also bare.

Couldn't they have used the bed? He's never going to be able to eat at Rodney's desk again.

And that is absolutely the reason for the unpleasant feelings churning in his gut.

"Sheppard," Rodney says, turning to look at him, hips frozen mid-thrust. "I…"

Rodney's face is a study in guilt, but he doesn't owe John anything. They aren't lovers. Can't be. He shakes his head and turns to go.

"John."

He's across the room in a handful of strides, placing a hand on Rodney's neck and pulling him into a kiss.

Rodney kisses with more hunger than anyone John has ever known, his hips thrusting into Carter.

John's only dimly aware of her moans.

4. Vala hosts an orgy

"Can you imagine what kind of party Vala throws?"

"It's not going to be an orgy, Rodney." As fond as John is of Rodney's imagination, sometimes he gets a little carried away.

Rodney merely snorts.

When Carter opens the door in leather pants and a see through blouse, John starts to wonder.

An hour later when he and Rodney each have one of Carter's nipples in their mouths, he decides that Rodney's imagination is remarkably prescient.

5. It's the Make Rodney Happy plan

"We should seduce him."

Carter is looking over at Rodney, arguing with Sgt. Collins about the food the mess is serving. Rodney is the only person who argues with Collins about his food, not even Caldwell is willing to cross the sergeant.

"Why?" John asks.

"Think how much more pleasant life would be around here if McKay got laid."

John considers it. "Yeah, okay."