John Sheppard's Fantastic Plan

It wasn't until the city was safely landed that John realized he could cross another item off his list--Rodney wasn't homophobic. When John had pointed out that two of the social scientists made a cute couple, Rodney had tilted his head, said, "huh, they do, don't they," and gone back to shoveling his salad into his mouth. When John had gone farther and suggested that Rodney himself make out with Radek, Rodney hadn't batted an eyelash. Of course, that might have been because they were under attack at the time.

Still, John was fairly certain that gayness did not bother Rodney.

Now all John to do was find out if Rodney was willing to consider such a thing for himself.

Rubbing his chin, John pondered the possibilities.

***

"So, Rodney," John asked, leaning casually back in his chair, "have you ever experimented?" He let his voice linger over each of the syllables in experimented.

Rodney gave him a look which clearly said "I'm a scientist, you moron."

"Not like science stuff. You know, other stuff."

Rodney moved his queen three spaces. "Other stuff? Like drugs?"

"No, not drugs, I know you'd never do anything to endanger that big brain of yours." The only answer John received was a small snort. He leaned across the table. "Have you done drugs?"

"Of course not, except for pot which no civilized country considers a threat. You know it's only in the same class as heroin and cocaine because J. Edgar Hoover was a racist, right?"

Wondering just how much pot Rodney had smoked that he'd become such an ardent defender, John nodded. "Sure. Anyway, I meant other stuff."

"Such as?" Rodney gazed at him for a long moment and John tried not to look away. He was cool. He could look Rodney in the eye. "Sex," Rodney said. "You were asking about sex."

Dropping his gaze because he needed to study the board, John said, "It's more fun than talking about drugs."

"That's true." Rodney tilted his head to the side and looked at John as though considering something. "Why do you want to know?"

John shrugged. "Just making small talk."

"Sex is not small talk. You're trying to distract me from the game."

John moved his knight. "Check."

Taking John's knight with his queen, Rodney grinned. He was incredibly annoying when he was winning, and that John found that grin attractive was kind of disturbing. "How about this? Loser answers the winner's questions. Honestly."

In the weeks they'd been playing John had won two games for every one of Rodney's victories. The odds were in his favor. "Deal."

Unfortunately, John hadn't taken into account the fact that Rodney performed best under pressure. Within ten moves, John had lost.

"So," Rodney said, rubbing his hands together. "Experiments."

"What about them?" John slung one arm over the back of his chair. He was cool; he was relaxed; he was unbothered by the prospect of Rodney McKay having carte blanche to ask questions about his sex life.

"Have you ever done any kinky experiments?"

"Kinky is in the eye of the beholder. For some people a blow job is kinky."

"True." Rodney pointed at him. "All right. Sex toys, ever used them?"

"On someone else? Sure." John shrugged a single shoulder, because he was cool.

"Yes, and…" Rodney moved his hand in a circle.

"And?"

"What did you use and how did you use it?"

He had a nice safe answer for that. "I had a girlfriend who had one of those vibrators that plug in. She was really fond of it. Really fond."

"Me, too. I mean with the girlfriend." Smiling wistfully, Rodney shook his head. "She had the best imagination."

John really didn't want to hear about Rodney's ex. "Next question."

With a soft sigh, Rodney fixed his gaze on John. "Group sex?"

"How big a group?" John fired back, grateful Rodney had abandoned the topic of sex toys before John had had to admit to the butt plug he sometimes used when masturbating.

"Threesome?"

"Yes."

"Two women?"

"Yes."

"I've always wanted to try that. Did they, you know," Rodney moved his hand back and forth, "with each other? Because that would be hot."

"Rodney."

"Hey, you were the one who brought up experimentation."

Much as John hated to admit it, Rodney had a point. "Fine. Yes, they did. Yes, it was hot."

"Was either of them blonde?"

"No."

His tone must've made it clear how ready he was to be done with this subject, because Rodney asked, "Ever had sex with a man and a woman?"

"No."

"Ever had sex with a man?"

"Yes." John braced himself for Rodney's reaction. He was figuring on shock, maybe a little anger that John hadn't told him sooner. But Rodney didn't seem shocked or angry. Instead, he leaned forward a little in his chair, his gaze intent.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes."

"Did you.. I mean what did you… Never mind. It's none of my business."

Heart pounding, John looked directly into Rodney's eyes. "If you want to know, ask."

"What did you do?"

"Blow jobs."

"That's all?" Rodney seemed a little disappointed.

"It was only a couple of times."

Nodding as if to himself, Rodney said, "Of course you liked it. Who doesn't like blow jobs?"

It was now or never. John could practically hear the blood rushing through his veins it was moving so fast. He dropped his gaze from Rodney's, then pulled in a breath and looked back at him. "I like giving them."

Rodney didn't say anything for a long moment, during which John tried not to slink down onto the floor. "I always thought it looked like fun."

"You did?"

"You like it. Why shouldn't I like it or at least think I might like it?"

"Because, because…" John looked around the room as though somewhere in it he'd find the answer to why Rodney couldn't think it might be fun to give a blowjob. Except John wanted him to want to try it, didn't he? "One of the first things you asked me was whether or not I'd had sex with two women."

"Which you had," Rodney answered, completely nonplussed. John had to admit that he had a point. "Look, why don't you just tell me what's going on? As much as I enjoy playing detective, I don't look that hot in a deerstalker."

"Batman was a detective."

"Which is why he is way cooler than Spiderman, Captain Marvel, and pretty much the entire Marvel universe."

"Hey!"

"He's cooler than Superman, too, but all of that is really beside the point."

"You brought it up," John said sulkily, folding his arms over his chest.

"Just tell me why you're suddenly feeling compelled to talk about gay sex all the time."

"I don't talk about it all the time."

"Considering your profession, at all is pretty noticeable."

Because I was trying to find out if you might be interested, John thought. "Maybe I was trying to out myself, a little."

Rodney nodded. "To me, because I'm your friend." Leaning back in his chair, he lifted up both hands. "Makes perfect sense."

"Right," John said, nodding sadly. "Perfect sense."

Rodney beamed at him.

John considered buying him a deerstalker hat, just because he could.

***

Look on the bright side, John, he knows you like men and you know he thinks giving blow jobs might be fun.

He'd crossed everything off his list but the last item--find out if Rodney might be interested in him. This should be good news, but he couldn't help thinking that if Rodney was interested he'd have said something last night. Instead, Rodney had gone back to his room, and John had gone to bed and tried to imagine Rodney sucking on his cock. For some reason, it hadn't worked.

"You are moping," Teyla said.

John looked up from the eggs he'd been pushing around his plate. "I am not."

"Yeah, you are," Ronon said.

Glaring at him, John said slowly and clearly, "This is not moping. This is thinking."

"Moping," Ronon said, and John wondered if he could hide Ronon's body in the west tower.

"Who's moping?" Rodney said, taking the seat next to John.

"John," Teyla answered.

"I am not moping." This time the words came out through gritted teeth.

Rodney looked at him intently for a moment, then pressed a hand to John's forehead.

"Hey," John said, pulling away.

"You don't feel feverish, but maybe you should go to the infirmary," Rodney said, picking up his coffee and taking a long sip.

"I am not sick."

"You mope when you're sick," Rodney said. Teyla nodded her agreement.

"I am not sick and I am not moping." Standing, John picked up his tray, dumped it in the return area, and left.

"He's moping," Ronon said behind him.

***

"I had an idea that might make you feel better."

John looked up from the requisition form on his desk to find Rodney standing in his doorway.

Rodney took a step into the office and the door slid shut behind him. "I know you're not moping, but if you were, this might make you feel better. It's rather brilliant, if I do say so myself."

With a roll of his eyes, John leaned back in his chair. "Tell me your brilliant idea."

"Blow jobs." Rodney's eyes were practically sparkling. "We should give each other blow jobs. You like giving them, and I assume you like receiving them." John nodded once. "I want to try giving them, and I know I like receiving them." Rodney grinned. "It's perfect."

Perfect. Rodney wanted to use him for oral sex. That was just perfect. "What about other stuff?" John asked.

"What other stuff?" Rodney frowned. "You want to do other stuff? I suppose it would depend on what the other stuff was."

"The stuff that comes before the blow jobs."

"Foreplay? You don't want foreplay?"

"I didn't say that."

"So you do want foreplay."

"Maybe," John said, playing it cool, because he wasn't going to say 'I want to dip you backwards and kiss you senseless.' Plus, he wasn't even sure he could do that to Rodney, not without injuring his back. Rodney really wasn't built for dipping.

Rodney crossed his arms and gazed contemptuously at John. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that in sex getting there is half the fun? You want to suck my penis, you're going to have to kiss me first."

"Yeah, okay." John smiled slowly. "It's almost lunchtime and I have some MREs in my quarters. Chicken with macaroni and cheese."

An answering smile spread across Rodney's face. "I like those."

John rose and they started toward the door, side by side.

"How do you think they'll taste with semen?"

"Jeez, Rodney, it's not like we'll be using it as a condiment."

 

 

As it turned out the lingering taste of Rodney's come complimented the macaroni and cheese quite well. Best of all, Rodney thought John's did, too.