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Good Clean Citrusy Fun


Title: Good Clean Citrusy Fun

Author: chelle

Author's email:

Author's URL:

Fandom: Atlantis

Archive: Ask first

Pairing: John/Rodney

Rating: Good Clean Citrusy Fun

Notes: A birthday gift for Reedfem.

"Oh, that is just wrong. And disgusting and wrong."

Rodney had had John's attention with the first wrong, but the disgusting made him sit up. "What is?"

"Nothing," Rodney said hastily, and from John's position at Radek's lab bench it looked like he was closing whatever file he'd been looking at.

"Rodney." The man had no resistance against whining, a character flaw John exploited mercilessly.

"It was nothing." Rodney's insistence was only feeding John's curiosity, as was the pink blush on his cheeks.

"Just tell me."

"It was a picture." There was defiance in Rodney's tone, but Rodney's refusal to look at him undermined it completely.

Pressing his advantage, John rose from his seat and walked over to Rodney's desk, stopping next to his chair and leaning against the desk. "What kind of picture?"

"That kind of picture."

"Oh." John nodded knowingly. "That kind of picture."

Rodney's nose wrinkled, something John had never actually witnessed before. "There was an orange in it."

That kind of picture with an orange. John could understand Rodney's reaction, which didn't make it any less amusing. It was a feat of self-discipline, but John managed to repress his laughter. "An orange."

"That was my reaction," Rodney said, clearly pleased John agreed with him.

"Actually, your reaction was to exclaim the word 'wrong' followed by 'that's disgusting.'"

Rodney waved his hand. "Whatever."

John nudged the side of Rodney's leg with his knee. "What were they doing with the orange? Come on, show me."

Cheeks brightening, Rodney said, "It wasn't really that interesting."


"John." For all his expressiveness, Rodney was a terrible whiner.

"Come on, you've got me all curious."

"It was no big deal." Rodney looked at his desk and then the wall across from it. "Just a guy with an orange on his dick."

"Did you say on his dick?"



"Because that's what was in the picture."

"Very funny. Why would you put an orange on your dick?"

Leaning back in his chair, Rodney said, "I wouldn't."

"It was a hypothetical you."

"A hypothetical me wouldn't either."

Sometimes talking to Rodney bore a disturbing resemblance to being in an Abbott and Costello routine, and John had a sinking feeling he was Abbott. "Why would a man stick an orange on his dick?"

Rodney shrugged. "How should I know? Because some crazy photographer told him to?"

"Was he masturbating with it?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there."

"In the photo."

"I was too appalled to look that closely."

He nudged Rodney's leg again. "So let me see it."

"I don't…"

"Rodney, I'm a grown man. I think I can handle a little pornographic produce."

"Fine." A few quick clicks and John was looking at a black and white photo of a man with an orange on his dick. "Huh."

"That's what I said."

"No, you said 'wrong' and 'disgusting.'"

"Well it is."

"So while I was diligently going through mission reports from Earth, updating my knowledge of what's happening back home, you were looking at pictures of naked men and fruit?"

"Not all of them had fruit."

John couldn't help it. He started to laugh.

"Of the produce variety," Rodney added sounding slightly offended, but John could hear him trying to keep from laughing, which only made John laugh harder. Resting his forehead on Rodney's shoulder, he clutched at his sides. "John," Rodney said, but he was starting to laugh too.

Gradually the laughter faded away, leaving John with slightly sore sides. "You know," he said, his head still on Rodney's shoulder, "if you wanted to look at naked men, all you had to do was ask."

"Ask?" John was pretty certain Rodney was the only person in two galaxies who could whisper and squeak at the same time.


"Just so we're clear, are you offering to let me see you naked?"

"Ask," John said again, because Bud Abbott didn't get the upper hand very often.

"Um, okay." He heard Rodney pull in a deep breath. "Can I see you naked?"


"John." That time it sounded like a perfect whine.

"Yes, you may."

With his forehead still resting on Rodney's shoulder he heard Rodney swallow. "Where? When?"

"My quarters. Now?"

"Now's good, although you might have to stand up."

Stand up, face Rodney and what he'd just offered, what Rodney had accepted. John could do that. He stood. Rodney was looking up at him, his expression distressingly close to what John imagined the guy with the orange had looked like. He took a step away from Rodney's desk. "You coming?"

"I think that depends on how good you look naked."

Just like that, his advantage was gone. Not only was he Abbott, he was about to take off his clothes for Costello. He blamed the orange.

The walk to his quarters seemed to go on forever, Rodney practically bouncing beside him. Although he subsided a bit after his "hey, we should stop at the mess" comment was met with John's best glare, the one that could cow even Teyla.

On the other hand, the door to his quarters slid shut behind them awfully quickly, before John had quite managed to come to terms with the fact that his mouth had somehow gotten ahead of his brain and stayed there long enough to get him to agree to pose naked for Rodney. The closing door seemed to take Rodney's bravado with it, and he simply stood there, a foot into the room, looking anywhere but at John. John didn't mind. He was too busy looking anywhere but at Rodney, which somehow seemed to lead to their eyes meeting.

"You don't have to," Rodney said.

This was it, John's chance to back out. "No, no I said I would so…" He shut his mouth before it could get any further ahead.

Rodney didn't seem inclined to say anything else, even though his mouth opened and closed twice. Gathering his courage, John pulled his t-shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor.

Ignoring Rodney's widening eyes, John bent over and started to unbuckle his thigh holster. A strangled noise made him look up, but his position meant that his eyes landed on the bulge in Rodney's pants.

He hoped it was for him and not left over from Rodney's picture gazing. Lowering his gun on top of his t-shirt, he opened his pants. Toeing off his shoes, he pushed his pants down. After stepping out of them, he lifted first one foot and then another, tugging off his socks and adding them to the pile of clothes on the floor.

Left with nothing but his boxers, he looked at Rodney. John usually shied away from other people's desire. It felt too much like confinement, like being claimed or clung to, but Rodney looked dumbstruck, as if he couldn't have tried to claim John even if he'd wanted to.

Taking hold of the waistband of his boxers, he pushed them down.

Rodney's mouth was crooked, his lips parted, as his eyes went over John. John kept perfectly still except for his cock which was slowly going from half-hard to full mast.

"I…" Stopping, Rodney licked his lips.

Not having any more idea than Rodney what he should say, John swallowed. "What if I wanted to see a naked guy? Would you…?"

"Sure, if you, um, wanted me to."

Still feeling the heat from Rodney's eyes, John nodded. "I want."

"Okay." Rodney's gaze shifted away, then back. Taking hold of his shirt, Rodney pulled it slowly upward. John was sure the slowness was nerves, rather than a tease, mostly.

The shirt hit the floor, but John's eyes were on Rodney's bare chest. Curly hair, pink nipples, and John was so used to not looking that looking was almost a release all on its own.

Rodney bent down to untie his shoes, exposing a broad stretch of skin that made John's hands almost twitch with the urge to touch. Then he stood and John tried to look away from Rodney's hands as he undid the fastenings on his pants, but he couldn't quite seem to. With a quick glance at John's face, Rodney pushed both his boxers and pants to the floor, exposing a thick, flushed cock and strong legs.

Rodney straightened and they stood like that, completely naked, a mere foot of space between them, looking.

"Could you?" John pointed a finger at the floor and turned it in a circular motion.

"Sure." Even though his tone was uncertain, Rodney turned around.

"You've got a great ass." John probably shouldn't have said that, but they were naked, and Rodney deserved to hear it. Besides, it was true. Rodney had a great ass, full, and nicely shaped, and just--

"Really?" Rodney looked over his shoulder, trying to see what John was looking at.

"Yeah, really. I knew you would."

"You knew?"

John shrugged one shoulder, tilting his head to the side. "You walk ahead of me a lot."

"Because you tell me to." Rodney turned back around. "You like looking at my ass." It was as much a question as it was a statement.

"Something wrong with that?"

"No, no, of course not, I just never thought that you…"

"It's not something that happens to me very often."

Rodney frowned, his mouth twisting slightly, and there was no way that was sexy. "Looking?"

"Wanting to look."

"Oh, um, did you want me to…?" Rodney pointed at the bed, then made a horizontal motion with his hand.

"If you want to."

"Right, okay, I'll just--" Stepping past John, Rodney lay face down on the bed.

John stared. Strong shoulders and wide back and, oh God, that perfect ass. Rodney's legs were parted and John could just see the edge of his balls. He took a step toward the bed, then another, until he was standing beside it. Lifting his hand, he stopped himself just before his fingers touched skin. "Rodney?"


Unsure if Rodney's answer was a good thing or a bad thing, John lowered his hand to Rodney's back. Rodney's skin was as smooth as it looked, and he slid his hand up to Rodney's shoulder and then as far across as he could reach while standing.

"You could sit," Rodney said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

John sat, his hip just touching Rodney's side, one leg folded in front of him. It felt daring and oddly right to touch Rodney like this, to slowly slide his hand over smooth skin, reaching from Rodney's shoulders, down his upper arms, and all the way to the small of his back. He did it again and again before finally edging his hand lower, over the sweet curve of Rodney's ass.

"I thought you'd never get there," Rodney muttered.

Smiling at that, John traced the edge of Rodney's crack with his fingers. Rodney moved his legs a little farther apart, creating more space for John to touch. "What do you like? I mean what do you want to do?"

"What do you want?" Rodney asked, lifting his chest and face enough so that he could see John.

Normally John would be annoyed at having his own question tossed back at him, but there was a softness in Rodney's tone that made it clear Rodney wasn't trying to avoid answering. "I haven't done this." He gestured between them. "You know, the guy thing, very much."

"Me either." At John's surprised look, Rodney added, "One short relationship, then I tried the tea room thing, but I'm not very good at anonymous sex. Don't worry, I was always careful, and my tests have all been negative."

"They generally don't send people with sexually transmitted diseases to other galaxies." John was trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't work. Everything he said sounded came out quiet and serious.

"Not usually," Rodney agreed. "What about you?"

"A couple of blowjobs, some porn, and a bunch of fantasies. I was always in enough trouble as it was. I couldn't take the risk."

"We can stop."

This time John's mouth didn't get ahead of him. This time his brain was right there with it. "No, we can't."

"Mayn't," Rodney said.

Feeling himself start to smile, John shook his head. "Is that even a word?"

"Sure is." Rodney's grin was lopsided, and John began to lean forward, caught by the possibility of touching Rodney's lips with his own. By the time he got there, Rodney's grin had faded.

It was a terrible angle for a kiss, but Rodney turned onto his back, his arms going around John's shoulders. The new angle was good, really, really good, and John relaxed, finally getting what he wanted as Rodney's lips moved hungrily beneath his.


"I can't believe you wanted me all that time and you never said anything."

John sighed. He should have known Rodney wouldn't let that tidbit go.

"Not only that, but we were brought together by a picture of an orange. What kind of story is that?"

Personally, John though it was a pretty good one. Maybe once he'd retired he'd tell it to someone. "I think it was a grapefruit."

"Looked like an orange to me."

"Well it's not like you're a citrus expert."

"True," Rodney conceded, shifting the leg that was resting between John's own and brushing John's softened cock.

"Oranges aren't that big."

"Neither was his dick."

John chuckled. "Now, you would need a grapefruit."

Rodney nodded, his whiskers scraping John's shoulder. "I would, although you realize that's disgusting, right?"

"Maybe you should try melons--watermelon, cantaloupe, something you aren't allergic to."

"Still disgusting."

"You'd have to avoid the seeds."

"Please tell me you've never done it with vegetables."

John laughed.

Then he told him.

The photograh which inspired this story was taken by Jack Slomovits. It can be seen here.