Breathing Differently

"Major… I mean Colonel."

John looked up to find Rodney looking down at him, frowning. Rodney frowned a lot. Although John had to admit he had reason.

"Something wrong?" Rodney asked. John shook his head as Rodney settled onto the bench on the other side of the table. The rest of the mess was empty. "You're not usually up this late."

"And you never sleep."

"Sleep is overrated," Rodney answered, refilling John's nearly empty coffee cup from the pot he must have brought to the table with him.

"I shot Ford," John said, because he had to say it eventually.

"So did I."

"I know you did." John was surprised at the hoarseness in his own voice. He was more surprised by how much he hated the idea of Rodney shooting anyone. A Wraith, sure, but a human… Rodney shouldn't have to know what the felt like. No one should. When the silence threatened to drag on too long, he added in a softer tone, "It's a scary thing, shooting someone."

"Yes, it is." After a moment Rodney looked up at him. "Do you really think we can save him?"

"You spent more time with him than I did." It was a dodge and they both knew it.

Rodney's eyes slid away from John's face, to the window behind him. "We can save him."

Lies were not Rodney's forte. That he would even try made John's chest tighten. "Yeah."

Rodney raised his coffee cup in an almost salute before taking a drink.

Swallowing against the tightness spreading from his chest to his throat, John took a drink too. Ford had become someone John didn’t recognize and couldn't reach; Rodney had learned to shoot and to lie; and, John…

John preferred not to think about what Atlantis was making of him.

"Zelenka and the new kid found this cool Ancient device."

All of Rodney's new staff members were referred to as "the new kid" or "the new guy," and John wondered what they had to do before Rodney would remember their names. "Yeah?"

Rodney nodded. "It..."

Sipping his coffee, John listened, focusing more on the excitement in Rodney's tone and the hints of awe that crept in around the edges than the words. Listening to Rodney, he could believe that whatever Atlantis made of them, it would be worth it.